september blues

there are moments when life seems to be passing so fast, so fast you can't help but 'unnotice' the days--days of recalling, of remembering, of un-learning...what is in september that gives one the 'creeps'? i, specially find september creepy. is it because of the memories september has much on-hold? is it the date per se? is it the song? the poem? the people? the person? the man.

do you remember the shirt that you wore then? do you remember the dew that you felt on your face as the night grew darker? do you remember the trembling hands and those soft, confused lips? whatabout those letters, do you remember your unguarded thoughts? do you remember your dreams and hopes and hurts and wishes and always-ever-wanting-to-sleep-to-get-away-from-it-all and just feel the beating of your hearts? memory, is a monster i once read: you think you have it? no! it has you.

there are moments when life seems to have flown real fast. my mind auto-deleted the hurts and the pains, believing i partially asked for those and just enjoyed the torture for some time---these are the days when i'd prepare myself to let go of the 'september blues' and forget about the 'creeps'. come september, i'd say---you are wonderful to recall. you are beautiful to remember. you are my favorite mistake.

re-entry 060506

for a while now, i have been addicted to thinking...

so much have happened and so much is to be thought of.

years before, my compulsion when these thoughts enter my system is to sleep---

it's the best freedom (or escape)i could ever think of.

but now, i have realized i need to wake up (in and out)

to understand my thoughts and if i dont understand my thoughts...

id let it drift like a true sportsman hehehe...

tsk tsk tsk ... for a while now, i have been addicted to thinking...

what a wonderful addiction this is.

(this is how i felt today--- tomorrow, my thoughts would be different--- perhaps).

lost for words

why is it that i am loosing my hold of the words that i used to love...why is it that even with reading and hearing i still can't get hold of them and i'm slowly becoming someone who's always lost for words--- tsk tsk tsk...this is not good. this is not good.

i hate it when it happens

i always have been a believer of 'what you do not know - won't hurt you' and 'what you do not think - won't be' and 'what you do not allow yourself to feel - won't come'...but at this moment, this is way too much to handle (i'm giving this an hour or two of grrr-grrr-indulgence)...

when you invite people to atend a seminar, you have to make sure that it's worth attending; when you tell people that it's worth attending, you have to be sure indeed it is; when you make people pay for a seminar, you have to make sure that the money they spent is worth it, or better yet, that the seminar is worth more than the money they spent; when you say something, promise something, you have to be sure that you mean every word of it.

but booooooo-hooooooo!!! it's frustrating! it's disappointing! it's irritating! when you are supposed to be spending your sunday afternoon with your family, with the money that you spent for snacks and fun rides (or 10 kilos of rice!) coz the seminar, the supposed seminar--- can easily be downloaded from the net, and the speaker, the supposed speaker i have been told have just read the material from the presentation. arrrggghhhh!!! now i am partly to blame for some friends' wasted time.

oh i hate this post, this is almost nonsensical! but i am entitled to be this way once in a while ...i'd be getting over this feeling soon...wahahahahahahaha--- funny what a dream will make you when you wake up....ssssshhhhh!!! this is just a dream...i hope.

what's up --- what's down

what's up with this constant complaining that people seems to can not get hold of... the moment we wake up, we complain of having so many things to do instead of thanking god for giving us another day to do things---tsk tsk tsk... the rule of life is simple, you wake up, do things, try to be happy sleep and try to do the same again tomorrow---well, there are bills to pay and other errands to do, ideas to think? and many others? they are all but part of the simple procedure---so why complain? do it or don't...now am i complaining about complaining??? yes! so i better shut up---or shut down.

loving the drama

it was just recently and (always in my ever-present past) that i have re-learned and re-appreciated the power of mind, following the law of attraction (reading the book review of The Secret last year, and seeing the docu-type film last week). you are what you think (say, i think, therefore, i am) and you will be what you want if you want it bad, as you will have what you want to have if you wanted it badly or not wanting it badly.

alas! you exert the same amount of energy in loving and hating, as in wanting and not wanting so whichever way, you attract whatever it is that you spend much of your enery on. come to think of it, the people and the events of my life is a product of wanting and not wanting them to be there (with the exception of one or two, of which/whom until now, i can't decipher their reason for existence or non-existence).

it is quite confirmed by richard bach's words (messiah's handbook) - words that sounded like this :all the people and events of your life are there because you have drawn them there, whatever you do to them/it is always up to you. hence, whatever happens to me and my path to bliss in the present, past and future will always be my calling - my option, my choosing. i can choose to be hurt or otherwise, to feel good or otherwise...whichever, whatever.

and (who cares if i start my sentences with "and"?) when this cute alter ego of mine would ask: why are you hurt? why do you feel bad? why do you feel sad? why are you mad? why do you feel these when you can always make yourself feel otherwise? the answer is: "maybe, i am loving the drama."