in a time capsule [reentry 2008]

there are a lot of people and events that may come in someone's life but only a few will truly touch and etch a memory. high school without debate is one of them. here you will get to meet people from all walks of life, in several manners, mostly awkward since this is the stage when individuals are battling within--->

i am too young to be an adult, too old to be a child (read: adolescence). in this very stage, we tend to create personalities that we perceive to be pleasing to others. no one to blame: men are social beings- the more they behave the way society dictates them to be, the better it is for everybody. when i was thirteen i met this somewhat deviant classmate-dave. he is not like my bestfriend kristoffer (see him in blog entry BF-EVER), really! he was different!...

at such a young age, he seemed to be unmindful of what others may think of him, of his acts, of his words. don't get me wrong, he was seldom unpleasant but always always surprising. his surge of emotions will bring turmoil to a tamed conforming person. his laughter is contagious but so is his anger. his chivalry will make you smile but his apathy will make you cry too. i have tried to look at dave from a different perspective. (at 13, i thought i was a philosopher, a psychologist, or maybe just another lost soul waiting to be found again).

i saw him persevere as much as i saw him get wasted with foolishness. i saw his leadership, and his hardheadedness as well. i saw him falling in and out of love, hear him shouting and whisper at different times. he was a friend to me (or maybe i was a friend to him) ...i had time with him in a capsule. why dave? coz he reminds me that life is too short to be wasted on hiding and pretending to be so-oh-good when you can taste every detail of badness and somehow learn from it.

but years passed i lost track of my subject--- too many thoughts, too many people, too little time i guess. as we entered the university, i see little and little of him. once i saw him laughing with a group of thug-looking students in a kiosk-they all seem to be enjoying their chat, laughing boisterously at times. once i saw him all alone in a path from one building to another, i tried to catch up on him and ask how he was, he halted, stared at me confusingly, and just smiled. i dismissed it as a call to accept that the dave i knew, though nothing has changed physically somehow isn't exactly the same (who doesn't change anyway?).

i saw him a couple of times in a telecoverage of a campus demonstration (that made me smile and reminded me of my foolishness years before). and then nothing, just news that he graduated and somehow tried to conform in his own way. now...(fast forward) dave has popped out of nowhere and is keeping in touch (truly challenges my thoughts, and philosophies in more ways than one). my time in a capsule with him is opened and remembered but a new capsule is to be made (and so is a new blog entry?). he is a family man, a trusted employee, and a fun friend (though he always refutes coz he has different perspective of the word 'friend').

he still is the dave who helped me cope with culture-shock by making me more shocked (ready, set-laugh!), the dave who helped me bring the trash to the pit (and irritatingly threw the trashcan too when i jokingly suggested so---grrr!), the dave who shouts at her girl in the school campus, the dave who loves to tease --- he is the dave who fought with goliath (read: goliath=the need to conform) and won. there are a lot of people and events that may come in someone's life but only a few will truly touch and etch a memory. dave without debate is one of them.

good byes are necessary for us to meet again

they are my friends, i talk and listen (read: read) to them almost every night, topics range from believing in myself to journeys of a confused to learning a thing or two about other culture...i depend on them when my mind is tired...when my heart is aching...when my body can not seem to take the pressures my mind and heart are subjecting themselves into. in short, they are my savior- my bedside books.

but there came a time that i used them as an escape, they send me far from where i am, and there i go hoping and wishing that i'd never go back to what i should be doing (reading-scholarly journals, writing-scholarly articles)... they are good friends, they shield me from hurts, they take me as far as i want them to, they hide me from my monsters and make me feel alright for a time. soon, i was seeing more of them than what is needed, i had to re-think and rethinking i did. hurting as it may seem, i tied them (all 25 of them- see list below) using my favorite red ribbon, placed them in  a good bag and had them sent to my old study area 2-hour plane ride away from where i am now.

i had to say goodbye to them...and yes, as the old savior's manual would say--- goodbyes are necessary for friends to meet again. i know i'd see them again. i'd be able to talk to them again. i'd have them beside me again, just ever-near when i need them. but for now, i had to let go of them so they won't be used as an escape- 'coz it's becoming unfair to them to be treated that way. goodbye dear friends.

jonathan livingston seagull - running from safety - illusions, the adventures of the reluctant messiah - a gift of wings - biplane - nothing by chance - one - bridge across forever - hypnotizing maria - the prophet - punchlines - loving each other - humor for a women's heart - the 12th angel - sula - eat pray love - stainless longganisa - silas marner - mr. blue - songs of solomon - oliver twist -  trivia of the silver screen - to kill a mockingbird - memoirs  of a geisha - best of a lady - robinson crusoe (audio)

dancing for peace with my bestfriend of the 80s [tb092010]

manila began the celebration (in asia) for earthdance 2010- a global peace festival celebrated in over 500 locations in 80 countries. sept.18th, sun-down to sun-up, Earthdance Manila broadcasted to the world (live via EarthdanceTV) the hours of non-stop dance, music and live art. there were wellness and dance workshops, an eco-bazaar, showcase of indigenous rituals and healing ceremonies too. the event culminated with the Global Synchronized Prayer for Peace at 7am Manila   (4pm California - 8pm Sao Paulo - 12 midnight London - 9am Sydney)...[the whole world (of every race, and religion) prayed at the same time, that's good!]. bantayog ng mga bayani memorial center was the chosen venue (somehow to rekindle the fire of a nation united in its desire for peace, justice and democracy). themed “Embracing All Traditions,” artists of various genres from world music to techno, electronica, jazz, and hiphop fused their styles in jamming...

that night, i was reunited too with my bestfriend in elementary school- marlyn (she went there with her 15-year old son)...the three of us enjoyed the company and the beat as we ate our all-time favorite 'chippy' and as we danced along with the fire dancers, the participants from all over, the pangalay artists circle, and other traditional and ethnic dancers. it's a delightful collision of cultures, faiths, art forms, music and dance! kadangayan, nyko maca with DJ robby sanchez of peace pilipinas, and joey ayala head the stellar line up of performers (including tapati) and sponsor representatives like epi quizon for the dolphy aid. the event has become a convergence of advocacies too... SEARICE promoted their No2GMO with a free feast of eggplant dishes from all over the country; hare krishna demonstrated labor of love in its truest as they (pray and) chant while cooking vegetarian dishes to fire up the artists’ energy for the whole event, and, bagong lumad foundation, partners up for the ISAling Lahi Project- books and audio books of the various tribes and indigenous communities documenting their culture rooted in a deep connection with the environment through songs, stories, and values.  these, and many others were also made more fun-filled with free informal workshops in pangalay, poi dancing, belly dancing, and tribal drumming.

we went home just before midnight (cinderellas-in-the-making), bringing with us memories of the once-in-a-blue-moon event: the friendship reunion in a dance-for-peace drama. whew!

new year

all the same

you come

you go

you come again

and say you'd go

apologies

accepted though

back to where

you were before

you and her

once more...

when you need to

when you want to

sound mind says

not fair

coz

it's all the same

you come

you go

you come again

and say you'd go

don't let her go

don't let her

don't.

10 commandments (for husbands only)

yes, i did that on purpose. i intend to just enumerate here the 10 commandments for husbands as given by dr. harold sala (founder &president of guidelines international inc.- an international christian ministry) in his book 'ten commandments for husbands and wives' (omf literature)... it is because i noticed that in most bookstores, guidelines are mostly given to the female group (how to preserve a husband was even printed in a poster form). 

perhaps it's because the female group are also the reading-group hence, authors/printers see better feasibility if such were the target. hmmm...anyways, husbands (and wives- print this for whatever purpose it may serve) ---here they are (with one-liners from each of the brief discussion) :

TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR HUSBANDS

1. keep your priorities straight (thou shalt make the building of thy home thy first business) - your responsibility to your family shouldn't be in conflict with the obligation to your employer.
2. meet your wife's needs (thou shalt remember that thy wife hath need of more than food, clothing and shelter) - the need for companionship, the need for communication, the need for a friend.
3. don't take your wife for granted (thou shalt not take thy wife for granted) -[yes, that was repeated in the book that way. for emphasis, i guess.]
4. make your wife a partner (thou shalt not think thy business is none of thy wife's business) - you're in a partnership called marriage.
5. don't squeeze the purse (thou shalt not deal grudgingly with thy wife) - you shall not ask an accounting of every coin unless you make a similar accounting to her.
6. lead the way in discipline (thou shalt cooperate with thy wife in establishing family discipline) - don't you leave the disciplining to your wife, and don't you dare to fail in backing her up...
7. eat it and love it (thou shalt not complain about thy wife's cooking for it will be as discord in thy household harmony) - [oh well, enough said here...go on cooking girl!].
8. leave your gloom at work (thou shalt enter into thy house with cheerfulness) - remember that your wife thought she married a man, not a bear.
9. hang together (thou shalt not let anyone criticize thy wife to thy face and get away with it - neither thy mother, nor thy father nor thy breathren, nor thy sisters nor any others that are relatives) - [ i could just imagine the wive's reaction here...i say, whew!]
10. lead the way spiritually (remember thy home and keep it holy) - assume the spiritual responsibility for their (the family) souls. no one else can do that for you.

throwback 2010: letters are always heart-warming

here are some of the touching words i got from my friends after the first phase of my "grilling process"---i feel so blessed...

-much love to you afing!!

-Wow. That's a tough day. I'm impressed, though. It seems you handled it very well. If you need help, let me know.

-Oh sweetie...thanks for sharing...You must be under so much stress and it was catching up with you on Sunday! I get like that...usually getting sick after I have been in a very difficult situation or under a lot of stress.I hope it get's a bit better for you now.

-I want badly to just hug and comfort you...I'm here for you......I love you.

-Hooooray for keeping your composure through the grilling process...You have hurdled so many trials in your life that this is just another piece to it. You can do it. You have proven yourself so much. The road ahead may seem to still be hard and just do what you have always done, take one day at a time. Pray, plan and then make action. Whatever happens, you have come so far already. You have achieved so much and sometimes those achievements doesn't manifest in the way that we thought it would be but try looking from a different perspective and then you will realize that in so many ways, you have achieve success in your life.

-Your story and feelings are reminiscent of what I experienced and felt over those years after my proposal presentation. Just like you, I started my ambitious project with high hopes that I would finish it soon. But time and experience taught me a lot of lessons...with the right amount of motivation and inspiration, the process would make you a better person! It would be a humbling experience!

-I wish you could make it. You could make it by March 2011. I am still struggling with my paper also. But I know God is good. He will always help us when we ask Him.

these words, those letters they sent in the past...though most of them just don't realize it, kept me going (through the years). god bless my friends. i love them all.

love too shall pass

remind yourself this

whenever you decide to love, love fully

you will be glad but you will be sad at times too

you may even be mad and feel bad

about the things such love will bring but hey

love fully still...fully until you still can

for when love says 'stop' you will stop fully too

and you may never love that way again

 love, too, shall pass.

farewell

Wounds of the spirit... 

are most gently soothed and made whole by the passing years. 

Under the old scars flows again the calm,  healthful tide of life.... 

Under a great loss the heart impetuously cries that it can never be happy again, 

and perhaps in its desperation says that it wishes never to be comforted. 

But though angels do not fly down to open the grave and restore the lost, 

the days and months come as angels with healing in their wings. 

Under their touch aching regret passes into tender memory; 

into hands that were empty new joys are softly pressed; 

and the heart that was like the trees stripped of its leaves and 

beaten by winter's tempests is clothed again with the green of spring. 

~George S. Merriam

FARE THEE WELL ROMEL...

my bestfriend's wedding...

 

 

my thoughts [was thinking of devouring a cake such as this...

 

...as we celebrate my bestfriend's tying the knot

to a beautiful, wonderful woman named Roxanne...

 

 

 

 

“Better late than never.”

― Spencer Johnson, Who Moved My Cheese?

in sickness and in health...

oh! to be young and carefree!

just do it...or dont. tis always up to you

i have written a lot in my almost torn notebook by now. i have torn the pages. that may not be the first time that i have torn my writings but i am hoping that that was my last. it happened after the storm last week, some unimportant storm... but i allowed it to get to me for reasons i still can't tell. of all people, it is i that has to be reminded that this world is a jungle and that nothing and no one can ever make me feel bad or mad or even sad without my consent. i am moving on.

no time to waste, i say to myself. no time to waste... 'coz it isn't the thing i did in the past that matters or how it made me feel--- it's the thing i have left undone, and the fact that every morning i wake is a chance to do it. here, have a taste of what i think is one of the best lessons we all have to to learn:

The Sin Of Omission

by Margaret Sangster

It isn't the thing you do, dear;

It's the thing you leave undone,

Which gives you a bit of heartache

At the setting of the sun.

The tender word forgotten,

The letter you did not write,

The flower you might have sent, dear,

Are your haunting ghosts to-night.

The stone you might have lifted

Out of brother's way,

The bit of heartsome counsel

You were hurried too much to say;

The loving touch of the hand, dear,

The gentle and winsome tone,

That you had no time nor thought for,

With troubles enough of your own.

The little acts of kindness,

So easily out of mind;

Those chances to be angels

Which every one may find

They come in night and silence

Each chill, reproachful wraith

When hope is faint and flagging

And a blight has dropped on faith.

For life is all too short, dear,

And sorrow is all too great;

To suffer our great compassion

That tarries until too late;

And it's not the thing you do, dear,

It's the thing you leave undone,

Which gives you the bit of heartache

At the setting of the sun.

PS: today onward, i would do my best to fulfill my mission - to become an inspiration to youngsters by providing them through a kaleidoscopey showcase, the best teachings they could imagine and i could offer in this lifetime; and make them realize that they (have the power to) know as much i do... and that no one will ever mock or belittle or try stop them (they just have to remember to not allow it) for trying to express each little manifestation of those learnings as they apply those in their lives...

yet again, and quite in contrast to the message in the poem above- no one ever should mock or belittle or try stop someone for finding calm in remaining still, for waiting for the right moment, for keeping some thoughts for himself and his god until the needed moment arrives. who knows, by not doing anything at that specific moment--- that "little bit of heartache at the setting of the sun" may be just that: a little bit of heartache. it could have been worse otherwise *winks*. TOUCHMOVE!

i cant be sorry for who i am

oh eff! i don't even know who or what i am as a creature...one thing is for sure: i don't like it when someone says they know me so well or they speak of or write of me as if they have known me for a lifetime. where is this coming from? here--- i stumbled upon a poem and the poem hit me. usually poems hit me but this specific poem hit me as somebody who have not known me for long, believed he/she figured me out based on the fictional or not-so-fictional-whatever-that-is character i playfully projected and somehow ranted about it. why was i consumed by it? maybe because i wanted to cry foul 'coz when i playfully project one side of me to someone, its because i thought that someone is a more-advanced life form and wouldn't look at that side of me that way or...maybe, just maybe... i am loving the drama (we all do sometimes eh?) . oh well. :)

gensan in tecynch's eyes

the prettiest

the seat of local government

what's a hot beautiful afternoon in a cool rush rush gensan gala without the yummy hot spag and halohalo from ellamarie...the waitress told me they make garlic chicken yummier than chickenhauz...hmmmm

gaisano in its latest archi

KCC from the other side of the street

happy tuna all the way

ooops, ate cynch got the chance to be with Pekto one snacktime

and here we are...happy to see each other after many years...
soon, she'd visit gensan again. yey!

housewarming during storm

 in this uber - stressful life, nothing beats seeing good old friends (as those your high school schoolmates) for a good chit-chat over good food (as in fried chicken, spaghetti and pomelo juice), despite the storm...

coz the storm megi (local name juan) really came...but fritzie's housewarming is still a go...braving the rain and flood, we came since there's no better time to warm a new house but during a storm when it is uber-cold...

braving the rain for the bestest-ever pancit and fresh lumpia

i can't even remember when was it. but i have clear memory of the heavy rain pouring that sunday afternoon. after my usual sacred time (at my cell), sorting things both physically and spiritually, friend irene called- asking if i still am up to our plan of having authentic chinese 'merienda' at binondo (manila), the rain then is showing no signs of stopping. without further thinking, i said 'yes of course, give me 10 to 20 minutes and i'd be at the meeting place'. she was quite worried 'coz the place was somewhat unfamiliar to me, hence she decided to meet me at the church where i have less probability of getting lost, it's an old famous church in manila (name that church) anyways.

paying 50 php (a little more than a dollar), i asked the driver of a tricycle to bring me to that church. he didn't hesitate to bring me there passing by flooded streets (only on rainy days do they get to ask for higher fares. on normal weather, a ride from dapitan-where my cell is-would just cost 10 to 15 php). and so i arrived. irene was waiting and somewhat amused by my go-go attitude. we walked the streets of binondo and found her favorite restaurant (name that restaurant) after several blocks. we have umbrella (each) but well, streets are semi-flooded so we're practically wet. we were greeted by the restaurant staff and were served with bestest-ever pancit and fresh lumpia in town. beat that!

birth anniversaries need not be expensive

it's been a month since my boyman wowa turned 8. we weren't able to celebrate it with the usual kid's party with balloons, clown and games, overflowing food (and visitors too) coz 1. we can't afford it this time (it's never good to get a loan just to have a birthday party) and...
 2. we realized (noticed) that during parties it's the parents that have lots of visitors and the kid doesn't enjoy the party that much 'coz he has to smile, bless (a gesture of respect) and do other things (like pose, dance, sing, recite a poem et.cet) that visitors and parents would request. oftentimes, the day (or night) ends so tiring you forget the essence of it all...

flashback: since i (his mama) won't be around during his birth anniversary, we planned to have a sort-of-bday-party days ahead. we bought cookies, chips, nuts and chocolates, made grape juice, deep-fried (meat-looking) tuna crazy cuts and invited his favorite playmates for a pica-pica...

he called each of them by saying 'lika pica-pica party tayo'...and his friends arrived (one by one that beautiful morning)... while having the pica-pica, they played bowling (you know, one of those plastic bowling toys), computer games (the one that needs a one-peso coin for a few minutes of game) nearby, watched re-runs of diego (and dora), played bingo-chess and did an attempt to play scrabble.

my my! they had fun!!! those laughters and giggling (and unguarded munching) were priceless! no need to bring gifts (that's the down side though hehehe). no need to dress up in weird (sweatshirt-like) costumes and all--- just be there to have fun and enjoy the blessing of another year.

33 is just a number

22nd of march, i turned 33, oh well, earth years. i, as usual received lots of greetings (not lots of gifts though: the number of gifts received is inversely proportional to the age of the celebrator). even as i managed to feel well and do some little celebrations, it was nothing compared to the stresses i had. thanks to the finals exams, exit papers and the ever-dreaded (so far) comprehensive exams.

it's been 4 days since then, and only now have the birthday material sank in my thoughts (it's funny how it managed to squeeze in during times of fever and wishing-you-were-numb-moments). i have turned 33, i always feel 13, now i feel 53. it's been 2 years since i decided to pursue a postgrad that's somewhat far from what i intend to www.sakura-withdrawalpangs.blogspot.com/2008/08/my-life-so-far.html . it's been a year since a crying-almost-angry-young lady called and asked me to halt the curse to her father (turned out that this year, she's the sweetest greeter ever) www.sakura-withdrawalpangs.blogspot.com/2009/03/birthday-blast-indeed.html .

what is in store for this year? i have been feeling pains in some parts of my body which the paranoid in me might insist as a sign of cancer or tumor or 'dying soon' disease. i have been hearing the same thing happening to some people who are close to me. apparently, my mind-disease is contagious (that's the punchline, laugh now). i have found "one true friend" and several good others; them, just enough to keep my sanity on hold. my boyman and manboy are managing well without me, so they say and sadly make me feel at times.

okay, this is the time when i have to battle with my inner demons and finish what i have started. it's a long long walk. i'd run if i have to. but for now, i need some peace. may i rest in peace?

my 'persian' night a month ago or so

---when i woke up this morning i remembered zahra, a classmate and a friend. she's been going through a lot these days, taking charge of their family's restaurants, taking care of her beautiful baby boy, helping her cousin who just gave birth and juggling all those with our tons of paper requirements in the post-grad studies...sometimes, i have the urge to go to her and ... help her in any way i can...

---remembering her also reminded me of my last visit at their restaurant one rainy night. i was just off from my other class when i got an sms from her- "when will you visit the restaurant?". i figured out it's been so long since i last told her that i will so i rushed my way to there...after some funny mishaps of the directions and all, i arrived few minutes before her, the place was almost heaven. far from the busy noise of the city but it's just in its heart (zaitoon is in leveriza-menlo sts). i saw charming smoke pipes! (the ambiance is real great especially for circle of friends who wants good food over good chit-chats). she arrived with her husband and the cutest baby boy.

---we chatted and tried to catch up with our lives (as if we haven't been texting every now and then). it felt good to see her so happy finally having her dream child in her embrace. she ordered what she long ago promised me - carrot shake with icecream on top! can you blame me for having my dessert first??? :) then i had soltani, best non-pork i ever tasted playing hide and seek with the spicy-tasty rice and red tomato halves. i was full in no time. whew!

---then the rain started pouring real hard on our every conversation, with the baby almost as if listening intently to our babbles. the slow pouring of rain at one point reminded me that i need to go back to my dormitory or else i'd swim my way there (happens all the time)...

i'd never forget the hearty meal-soltani...i'd never forget the yummy dessert-carrot shake...i'd never forget zaitoon...i'd never forget my friend (and her beautiful family)...i'd never forget that night.