Du...wieder [ode to 33rd]

Du, den ich für viele Jahre geliebt habe

Du, den ich immer noch liebe

Du, der mich als tot betrachtet hat

Der mich jedoch mehr geliebt hat als das Leben selbst

Du, den ich Zwangshaft versucht habe zu vergessen

Du, an den ich immer noch denke

Du, den ich jetzt selbst als tot betrachten möchte

Der aber noch lebendiger als das Leben selbst ist

Du bist die Vergangenheit.

nichts weiter als eine Vergangenheit.

schön, aber nichts anderes als eine

schöne Vergangenheit.

zu schön, um loszulassen. 
zu schmerzhaft um dich zu behalten.

*************
[special thanks to chris, my dearest northern light
for patiently checking and sharing a better/prettier version...mwah]

33 is just a number

22nd of march, i turned 33, oh well, earth years. i, as usual received lots of greetings (not lots of gifts though: the number of gifts received is inversely proportional to the age of the celebrator). even as i managed to feel well and do some little celebrations, it was nothing compared to the stresses i had. thanks to the finals exams, exit papers and the ever-dreaded (so far) comprehensive exams.

it's been 4 days since then, and only now have the birthday material sank in my thoughts (it's funny how it managed to squeeze in during times of fever and wishing-you-were-numb-moments). i have turned 33, i always feel 13, now i feel 53. it's been 2 years since i decided to pursue a postgrad that's somewhat far from what i intend to www.sakura-withdrawalpangs.blogspot.com/2008/08/my-life-so-far.html . it's been a year since a crying-almost-angry-young lady called and asked me to halt the curse to her father (turned out that this year, she's the sweetest greeter ever) www.sakura-withdrawalpangs.blogspot.com/2009/03/birthday-blast-indeed.html .

what is in store for this year? i have been feeling pains in some parts of my body which the paranoid in me might insist as a sign of cancer or tumor or 'dying soon' disease. i have been hearing the same thing happening to some people who are close to me. apparently, my mind-disease is contagious (that's the punchline, laugh now). i have found "one true friend" and several good others; them, just enough to keep my sanity on hold. my boyman and manboy are managing well without me, so they say and sadly make me feel at times.

okay, this is the time when i have to battle with my inner demons and finish what i have started. it's a long long walk. i'd run if i have to. but for now, i need some peace. may i rest in peace?