flashback 101010: not a love letter

dear not-dear,

i know you knew from the start

that i didn't love you.

i know you knew that i was just forced

to deal with you, to try to love you,

to try to make you love me too.

i know you knew that i find it difficult to do so

but just the same i tried.

in fact, i tried and gave my best effort

so sooner or later you'd give me back

what i deserve.

i have sacrificed a lot in this set-up.

and the more i do so, the more i hate myself

for making this decision.

and since i have already started, i have to at least

try finish this 'game' or whatever it is you call it -

post grad if you must!

as much as i can, i'd deal with you...

i'd try love you and

i'd try to make you love me too.

but do know that as of this moment-

i want you dead!

yes, i want you dead but i know

that isn't possible.

i might end up the one being 'dead' in the long run.

i'd just content myself with letting you know

these ---

i don't love you.

i don't want you.

i don't need you.

aaaarrrrrrrggggghhhhhhhh!

AND I’ve also been to me…

 “I’ve been to paradise… AND I’ve also been to me…”

1. At most mornings, 

I brush teeth while on the shower. 

2. One of my greatest pleasures is 

gazing at the rain falling. 

3. Seeing books, notebooks pens 

and papers takes my breath away. 

4. Tries so hard not to be late 

because I usually am impatient 

waiting for other people. 

5. 3 to 4 hours of sleep is 

more than enough for me. 

6. I interpret dreams. 

7. I’m a film buff. 

8. I’m good at keeping memories but 

I also have a talent of auto-deleting  bad ones. 

9. I keep bills and notes in my wallet

sometimes they last for years. 

10. I go to a coffee shop to read but
I usually end up eavesdropping…

11. I like the taste of ice cream
even if it is rainy/raining. 

12. I don’t like eating. 

13. I love sunsets. 

14. I’m so transparent and vocal, 

at times, I wish I wasn’t. 

15. I like basketball and frozen yogurt equally. 

16. I believe that ‘walking’ is the best exorcism.. 

17. I teach, I love it but I don’t like being in a room 

full of people except when I teach. 

18. I can stay very quite for a long long time.

19. I don’t like reading books that are read 

by more than 10 people in the same period. 

20. Sometimes I ride public transpo 

(bus, jeepney, tricycle) just to joyride. 

21. Flowers are good but letters are better.

22. I believe in love but I also believe 

that it can be learned, or faked. 

23. When I meet disgusting people or 

have convos with them, 

I imagine punching them (in the face). 

24. I weep on deaths but I can always 

face that it’s a fact; as natural as life.

25. I can always pretend … 

if I want to and … when needed.  

my nanay wants a blogspot

and she can't help it anymore.
she asked for help.
what else should a good (ssshhh)
daughter do?

here's her page...
http://nanayishere.blogspot.com/

oh no! we would be reading from her...
tsk tsk tsk...maybe first rule i'd tell her
is that - it's a no-no to blog about daughters?