good byes are necessary for us to meet again

they are my friends, i talk and listen (read: read) to them almost every night, topics range from believing in myself to journeys of a confused to learning a thing or two about other culture...i depend on them when my mind is tired...when my heart is aching...when my body can not seem to take the pressures my mind and heart are subjecting themselves into. in short, they are my savior- my bedside books.

but there came a time that i used them as an escape, they send me far from where i am, and there i go hoping and wishing that i'd never go back to what i should be doing (reading-scholarly journals, writing-scholarly articles)... they are good friends, they shield me from hurts, they take me as far as i want them to, they hide me from my monsters and make me feel alright for a time. soon, i was seeing more of them than what is needed, i had to re-think and rethinking i did. hurting as it may seem, i tied them (all 25 of them- see list below) using my favorite red ribbon, placed them in  a good bag and had them sent to my old study area 2-hour plane ride away from where i am now.

i had to say goodbye to them...and yes, as the old savior's manual would say--- goodbyes are necessary for friends to meet again. i know i'd see them again. i'd be able to talk to them again. i'd have them beside me again, just ever-near when i need them. but for now, i had to let go of them so they won't be used as an escape- 'coz it's becoming unfair to them to be treated that way. goodbye dear friends.

jonathan livingston seagull - running from safety - illusions, the adventures of the reluctant messiah - a gift of wings - biplane - nothing by chance - one - bridge across forever - hypnotizing maria - the prophet - punchlines - loving each other - humor for a women's heart - the 12th angel - sula - eat pray love - stainless longganisa - silas marner - mr. blue - songs of solomon - oliver twist -  trivia of the silver screen - to kill a mockingbird - memoirs  of a geisha - best of a lady - robinson crusoe (audio)

june. fathers' day. what's that?

and so,
the father's day fever will soon die out.
on some occasions I wish I had one near...
but more often,
I see it (having none) as better
than having one who only teaches you
the meaning of broken promises,
shattered dreams even.
bitter as this may sound but
that's the truth
and that's the magic of acceptance.
in the end
I won't depend on anyone
to remind me that a good sense
(being sensible yet not overly sensitive)
will help me survive,
that being kind isn't synonymous
to being weak and
that my true boss is the Jewish carpenter...
and that I have to rest/sleep and
somehow be thankful
there's always something to live/look forward to...

shrek havin midlife crisis??? [tb051910]

the 4th installment in the shrek-franchise is a 'must-see'. while the movie is in-the-making, i was already cooking something on what the theme of the story will be (i, a self-confessed movie addict and yes- shrek fan). after almost a decade, one might ask, 'will this last installment attract audience for reasons apart from it being the last installment?' . that- i have found out yesterday... thanks to azrael, the prince-ever of manila bloggers (in the pic, he was with shrek on SM Imax).

4pm, 19th of may 2010, as eastwood mall unveils its 3d cinema, my much-awaited movie was screened specially for media (including bloggers) and VIPs. with shrek for photo-ops and a cocktail (both of which i was too sleepy to enjoy), i entered the room and stolen some minutes of sleep (read the alibi: i was mentally preparing for the show). crowds came in batches and with few messages (check out other blog entries for full coverage), we were asked to put our 3d glasses on and voila! shrek it is!

have you imagined puss lookin soft-and-fluffy like garfield? ... fiona acting like an amazona? ...donkey singing whitney's greatest love of all? enya's sail away on an seeming-imaginarium scene?...an ogre in an oliver twist material?...those and much much more suddenly came alive! right then i realized that it's not just shrek giving us laughs- it's shrek reminding us of our dear little problems of living such as the dreaded "midlife crisis". there is something very important that this animated movie is telling us: at times, you'd realize and only get to appreciate what you have  when it's gone.

i left the cinema with goodies (chocolates!),  fliers from sponsors and with a hazy vision of the philippine's first-sister kris aquino (winks) and her son james being interviewed. later in the evening, i overheard her saying (in a talk show) that she 'loved the movie so much'. don't take her word for it...even mine. shrek forever after will be shown worldwide and in philippine cinemas tomorrow (20th). see for yourself,  or better yet, see it with your spouse (or a special someone)- you'd know what i mean afterwards.

(pictures courtesy of azraelcodilla.com & poptower.com)

found this some-where...some-time... felt some-thing...some-how.

few lines from...

FRACTURES
by Cathy Denny

           

Hearts and souls heal slowly
Silently recalling fractures of long ago.
Weighing the risk of letting anyone know
What lies deep in his heart, what he's buried in his soul.

Patiently waiting for the one to help him see
How good it feels to set his heart free.
To trust her enough, and so completely,
He tells her those things he was once afraid she would see.

Mending his heart one fracture at a time.
As he comes closer to this I find;
Mending that fracture in his heart,
Is the key to mending mine.

[from http://www.exiledmothers.com/speaking_out/fractures.html]

RX for pain -MJ songs [tb041810]

like a comet blazin across the evening sky, gone too soon...
bestfriend matet sure knows how to break a heart when singing this MJ song. she also knows how to psychologically torture a friend in doing so...she is as calm as an ocean, but as deep too. she hangs on to MJ's song lyrics when she can't seem find the right words. we always say ---oh, (insert an MJ song here), that's your RX for your pain today.

matet (maria theresa) is the 3rd portion of the tres marias of MSU high school in the early 90's, i being the 1st (alfie maria) and kulot being the 2nd (mary anne). we have our own world. yes! apart from the rest of the class, from the rest of the school...sadness has been close as my next of kin, then happy came one day, chase my blues away...we lazy our days away by strumming guitar or just singing.

there were even days when we call a local TV station (showing old MTVs) alternately and request MJs songs the entire day. remembering was fun. singing then is great. but now we're apart (physically, that is). kulot is in gensan, busy trying to make ends meet. i am in manila busy trying to sort my priorities in life. matet is busy, chatting with MJ, i suppose (she died of liver cancer, yes, she too was gone. too soon.). we we're good students but most of all, we lived then-doing what we loved, loving what we do.

but with the songs and the memories, somehow it's enough... with a friend to call my own, i'd never be alone...it's when we were young and carefree and we lock the classroom door and dance 'dangerous' or 'beat it' as we laugh oh so loudly with our moves or those times when we choose a secluded spot in the campus and try to mimic MJ and paul mccartney in 'this girl is mine'...that damn gone girl is mine' ...matet left, our friend (we know he felt it from afar) MJ left too. but once in a while we gather in spirit, have our RX and go through the day renewed...we stopped existing and we started living...

you know what's making me feel sad now? it's kenny wizz- MJs impersonator from vegas. he will be visiting my hometown come may 2  and perform in memory of his hero (forever michael). if i was only near kulot and matet was only around, we will be the first to get our tickets and storm our way to lagao gym...i can see us laughing, dancing, singing and chatting our way as if we are the only people in the world. but then again, it wouldn't be possible. maybe, just maybe, there will be new 'tres marias' on that night...and like us, they will also get to see (or hear) our RX for pain - MJ songs.

i teach best what i most need to learn [tb091410]

on the 16th i'd be presenting my paper in a national conference. i have been teaching for 12 years now, but still i can't help but feel nervous everytime  i speak. others say they hardly notice my nerves when i speak---pft! that's because they can't feel me shivering and sweating, they don't see me vomitting the day and a couple of hours before, thay don't hear me asking the moon to take me or the earth to swallow me...

if i'd have the chance to talk to me today, here's my script:

stop those negative thoughts sakura! negative thoughts will kill whatever confidence you have left in that weird system of yours. what negative things you say to yourself, about yourself, inside your head is probably worse than anything else other people say to you. STOP! it doesn't help you thinking that way. STOP! those things in your head---they are not real! your audience are people too. they are just curious. if one is sarcastic, just think that he/she may have had a rough childhood/or may be having a midlife crisis. if one is irking you, smile and politely answer him/her what you know. you know more, you know better 'coz that's your work. goodluck and hey, if you come out alive afterwards (i'm sure you will), have an icecream and dance as if no one's watching...blah blah blah.

dancing for peace with my bestfriend of the 80s [tb092010]

manila began the celebration (in asia) for earthdance 2010- a global peace festival celebrated in over 500 locations in 80 countries. sept.18th, sun-down to sun-up, Earthdance Manila broadcasted to the world (live via EarthdanceTV) the hours of non-stop dance, music and live art. there were wellness and dance workshops, an eco-bazaar, showcase of indigenous rituals and healing ceremonies too. the event culminated with the Global Synchronized Prayer for Peace at 7am Manila   (4pm California - 8pm Sao Paulo - 12 midnight London - 9am Sydney)...[the whole world (of every race, and religion) prayed at the same time, that's good!]. bantayog ng mga bayani memorial center was the chosen venue (somehow to rekindle the fire of a nation united in its desire for peace, justice and democracy). themed “Embracing All Traditions,” artists of various genres from world music to techno, electronica, jazz, and hiphop fused their styles in jamming...

that night, i was reunited too with my bestfriend in elementary school- marlyn (she went there with her 15-year old son)...the three of us enjoyed the company and the beat as we ate our all-time favorite 'chippy' and as we danced along with the fire dancers, the participants from all over, the pangalay artists circle, and other traditional and ethnic dancers. it's a delightful collision of cultures, faiths, art forms, music and dance! kadangayan, nyko maca with DJ robby sanchez of peace pilipinas, and joey ayala head the stellar line up of performers (including tapati) and sponsor representatives like epi quizon for the dolphy aid. the event has become a convergence of advocacies too... SEARICE promoted their No2GMO with a free feast of eggplant dishes from all over the country; hare krishna demonstrated labor of love in its truest as they (pray and) chant while cooking vegetarian dishes to fire up the artists’ energy for the whole event, and, bagong lumad foundation, partners up for the ISAling Lahi Project- books and audio books of the various tribes and indigenous communities documenting their culture rooted in a deep connection with the environment through songs, stories, and values.  these, and many others were also made more fun-filled with free informal workshops in pangalay, poi dancing, belly dancing, and tribal drumming.

we went home just before midnight (cinderellas-in-the-making), bringing with us memories of the once-in-a-blue-moon event: the friendship reunion in a dance-for-peace drama. whew!