Year-end Chain Message [didn't require readers to pass the message though]

There have been times I've had just Php50 to feed myself 

and I've also had over a thousand pesos 

to go out to eat with family or friends. 

I’ve had a house full of food and other times 

I didn't have any. 

I’ve been in stores cashing out with no worries 

and I’ve also had to add it up in my mind and 

put some back on the shelf. I’ve paid my bills in full 

and other times had to pay late. 

I’ve given money and sometimes, 

I too have had to ask for it. 

We all have highs and lows in life, 

some certainly more than others, 

but we’re all just trying to make it through this crazy life.

No one is better than anyone else, 

and my heart is sad for those who think that they are. 

No matter how big your house is, 

how new your car is, 

or how much money sits in your bank account - 

we all bleed red and will eventually fade from this earth. 

Death has no discrimination 

neither should your actions in life. 

A reminder: Be kind to others.

Du...wieder [ode to 33rd]

Du, den ich für viele Jahre geliebt habe

Du, den ich immer noch liebe

Du, der mich als tot betrachtet hat

Der mich jedoch mehr geliebt hat als das Leben selbst

Du, den ich Zwangshaft versucht habe zu vergessen

Du, an den ich immer noch denke

Du, den ich jetzt selbst als tot betrachten möchte

Der aber noch lebendiger als das Leben selbst ist

Du bist die Vergangenheit.

nichts weiter als eine Vergangenheit.

schön, aber nichts anderes als eine

schöne Vergangenheit.

zu schön, um loszulassen. 
zu schmerzhaft um dich zu behalten.

*************
[special thanks to chris, my dearest northern light
for patiently checking and sharing a better/prettier version...mwah]

The Theology of Enough I

and then there was light

indeed

for man learned to love to live

in the dark

and in the end

man learned to love the dark

in the dark, the light is brighter

so bright, it hurts

so bright, it kills

and then there was food

indeed

for man learned to love to eat

to satiate hunger

and in the end

man learned to love the food

with food, the man is satiated

so satiated, it hurts

so satiated, it kills

and then there were words

indeed

for man learned to speak

to express

and in the end

man learned to love the words

with words, the man is heard

so loud, it hurts

so loud, it kills

and then there was thought- enough

enough of all the things that please

the heart

the body

the soul

enough of everything

the cuentos and encantos

and then it stopped when she shouted

"cut those fingernails"

(for that man has his soul trapped in his fingernails...for ever)

flashback: my long-dead father

this is an excerpt from an email by my dear cousin maj—
we haven’t been together for so long, decades!
but we did try and been trying to keep in touch,
keeping the thread that holds our families together…
i have known a little about my father,
they tell me i write like him—
how in the world i should know???
but here’s a message coming from my cousin’s heart,
who may have known my father better than i did…

…."It is indeed always a mystery
why there is so much injustice in this world
when humans are naturally blessed with good hearts.
When I hear of deaths, the first person that comes to my mind
is Tio Aling, your father.
Believe it or not.
He was the only close relative I’ve had
whose death I’ve witnessed and seen.
I’m sorry if this brings you memories…
bitter or sweet…but your father was a good person.
His ideals may have clashed with others but God knows
how he holds human rights as supreme to all.
I vividly remember all the confusion in
Mabini Street when news leaked out about Tio
being tortured and brutally killed…
and his body being brought back.
Those are images that continue to surface in my mind,
even at my very young age.
I clearly remember how thousands of people turned out for the funeral
— never seen that huge crowd in town.
Those are people who have loved your father dearly.
It crossed my mind…
if he’s indeed a "bad" guy that others tried to portray,
then why are there thousands of people who have expressed
their condolences and sympathy to our family?
Yes, sometimes life is a mystery.
And sometimes we are confronted with situations
that are beyond our control…."…

may we forgive...

One can be
forgiven easily from forgetting someone,
we all would leave anyways
and will be forgotten...
but the way we live
and the lessons we learned
and the lessons and life we share
will forever live on...
if only we remind ourselves that.

Each and every day
is a chance to live fully,
make a difference
or even just make someone's day
a little brighter, a bit better.

I sure hope one day,
we'd all learn to be conscious
of our mortality and not waste so much
of the irreplaceable resource (24 hours each day)
being bitter and making others feel bad,
mad or sad too.

Here's a toast to that day.
It'll come...
soon.

reminder...march on!

AND I’ve also been to me…

 “I’ve been to paradise… AND I’ve also been to me…”

1. At most mornings, 

I brush teeth while on the shower. 

2. One of my greatest pleasures is 

gazing at the rain falling. 

3. Seeing books, notebooks pens 

and papers takes my breath away. 

4. Tries so hard not to be late 

because I usually am impatient 

waiting for other people. 

5. 3 to 4 hours of sleep is 

more than enough for me. 

6. I interpret dreams. 

7. I’m a film buff. 

8. I’m good at keeping memories but 

I also have a talent of auto-deleting  bad ones. 

9. I keep bills and notes in my wallet

sometimes they last for years. 

10. I go to a coffee shop to read but
I usually end up eavesdropping…

11. I like the taste of ice cream
even if it is rainy/raining. 

12. I don’t like eating. 

13. I love sunsets. 

14. I’m so transparent and vocal, 

at times, I wish I wasn’t. 

15. I like basketball and frozen yogurt equally. 

16. I believe that ‘walking’ is the best exorcism.. 

17. I teach, I love it but I don’t like being in a room 

full of people except when I teach. 

18. I can stay very quite for a long long time.

19. I don’t like reading books that are read 

by more than 10 people in the same period. 

20. Sometimes I ride public transpo 

(bus, jeepney, tricycle) just to joyride. 

21. Flowers are good but letters are better.

22. I believe in love but I also believe 

that it can be learned, or faked. 

23. When I meet disgusting people or 

have convos with them, 

I imagine punching them (in the face). 

24. I weep on deaths but I can always 

face that it’s a fact; as natural as life.

25. I can always pretend … 

if I want to and … when needed.  

flashback 2010: i eat 5x a day

breakfast... breaking the fast...some hard-cooked egg (some call it hard-boiled)...this was when i still use the common-kitchen (september blues)...mixed nuts for morning snack, courtesy of dean manding...yummy, especially 'coz it's free! then teh lunch!!! one big red apple. a reminder.

frozen yogurt for dinner? why not... it's packed with nutrients and good bacteria! i don't know if it's just me, but after a small cup of  frozen yogurt, i felt full...kept the craving at bay 'til about midnight---

midnight snack - roasted corn dipped in apple cider vinegar. munch munch munch...don't ask me if this is any good. i say--- try!!!

[of course this is not a daily food sked (this is just an episode of my temporary life)... i eat rice with veggies, rice with alamang, rice with fish, rice with some chicken (not in one sitting) every now and then...plus water water water]

oh well, i eat. i pray. i love. i live...and...i just felt like sharing! (winks)

she is all there is...

how else will you know that she loves you
how else will you know that she cares
when all she is to most is a worker
for wages, for ages, for cages
to lose...

how else will you know that she wants you
how else will you know what she bears
when all she is to most is a mother
for daughter, for sons, for some
to choose...

how else will you know that she needs you
how else will you know what she dares
when all she is to most is a friend
who advises, who cries, who helps
to bemuse...

how else will she know that you love her
how else will she know that you care
when to most all she is is a worker
for wages, for ages, for cages
to lose...

how else will she know that you want her
how else will she share what she bears
when to most all she is is a mother
for her sons and her daughter
to choose...

how else will she know that you need her
how else will you know how she dares
when to most all she is is a friend
who is there to advise and to help
to bemuse...

to bemuse to help to advise her friends
on their worries and their hurts
to dare look into the problem
as if it is that easy...
perhaps it really is

to choose her daughter or sons over some
over some love, she chose to forget
she is a mother most of all
as if it is that easy...
perhaps it really is

to lose herself from the cages by wages
or love or lover whatever ages bring
she cared, she loved, she worked
as if it is that easy...
perhaps it really is

so not love

after dejuicion, perfect
better decision than none

mob of might-coloreds
stealing some, little space
not to grow, not at all
no dream
no plan
no way

crumpled, pleasing taste
stealing little, some place
not to glow, not at all
no way
no need
no thing

afterward, onwards known
nothing but grapes -humiliated!

loving to the foolest

i went back to the trails we once trod

hoping to find you there still

---but you weren't anymore

my foolish heart

was foolish enough

to assume that

your heart

was foolish enough

to wait foolishly

without a promise

how foolish this heart has been!

i went back to the trails we once trod

hoping to hear your echoes

---but i heard your laughter

your laughter

with someone else

i couldn't talk

i couldn't walk

i couldn't dare 

even to look

at you, at her

how foolish this heart has been!

foolish enough my heart has been again

dreaming you were almost mine

---but you just smiled

and all i have

all i have left

all that is left

are the trails

we once trod

the trails 

the trails

Rx food for 2019

-------------------------------------------------------------

1. Dark Leafy Greens:

A Nutrient-Dense Inflammation Fighter

2. Walnuts:

Rich in Mood-Boosting Omega-3 Fatty Acids

3. Avocado:

Its Oleic Acid Gives You Brainpower

4. Berries:

Full of Cell-Repairing Antioxidants

5. Mushrooms:

Helpful Tools to Lower Blood Sugar

6. Onions:

Layered With Cancer-Fighting Allium

7. Tomatoes:

Packed With Depression Fighters

8. Beans:

Satisfyingly High in Mood-Stabilizing Fiber

9. Seeds:

Small but Mighty Sources of Omega-3s

10. Apples: 

Ripe With Antioxidants and Fiber

---------------------------------------------------------------

from the article
10 Foods I Eat Every Day to Beat Depression
https://www.everydayhealth.com/columns/therese-borchard-sanity-break/foods-eat-every-day-beat-depression/?fbclid=IwAR2KVek6SpxXMd9YTaECy77pEf9knk23LUcZGP_ugO7pENj4b9Cu0jRFPtc