at a loss

it's been 3 weeks. still i can't build my ideas/framework/path to my exit paper. what's happening? i'm at a loss. inspiration, where are you? spark of genius, where are you? adrenaline rush, where are you?...ohm ohm ohm. i tell you, this will be a nonsensical entry. i have to let this out or else this will poison whatever sanity i have inside. four more papers for the various courses i foolishly took this semester. one major project for the german class. one overly-fundamental written exam for a core subject...and review review review for the five comprehensive exams to be taken at exactly the same date as my 33rd birth anniversary. those and the framework of my exit paper (they love to call it dissertation) ---> the cross-eyed bear. waaaahhhh!!! my escape? funny thoughts while supply lasts... see pictures. but yes, i must wake up and do start producing before it's too late. kill me- kill me quick!

oh well, class field work:zambales

it started out as a class requirement: to experience nature and understand its system as affected and affecting other systems. it started out as a map: to determine the sources and possible impacts of toxic waste to nature. it started out as a study tour: to see how people took care of animals that may have been harmed intentionally or unintentionally by human activities...took it with a bad heart coz those out-of-school-vicinity-trips is way too costly for scholars like me. imagine me computing for the relative cost of the trip in terms of my daily food supplies.

but how did it end up? it ended up with me being tired-yet-fulfilled, sad-yet-hopeful, broke-yet-happy... this is one class requirement/mapping/study tour i'd never forget.

proud of my mentor

Crisis-generated Socio-economic Coping Mechanisms by Overseas Filipinos. This is the title of the research proposed by my mentor Dr. Alvin Ang and his colleague Prof. Jeremaiah Opiniano that was short-listed for the 2009 Japanese Award for Outstanding Research on Development. About 500 researches were submitted and the paper was awarded the 3rd place. Dr. Ang and Prof. Opiniano recently went to Prague to present their paper and yes, to receive their honors. This paper is only one of the many papers on economic development and macroeconomics done by them and I am doubly proud of him. . . proud to be one of his mentees, proud to be one of his students, proud to be one of his friends. May his foreseen Years of Expansion continue. Kudos!

remembering the roots (literally)

it's been days since i came to manila again...and as expected, separation anxiety sat in. it's hard to be far away from the places and the people you love especially when you are about to get used to it again.

together with being far again is the struggle- emotional, physical, intellectual, spiritual...financial. some light and easy, some too heavy to bear.

but on days like those, i just keep in mind the roots...the roots of the plants. observe them...look at those plants that you always water, their roots are thin and bundled, you can easily remove the plant with one hand from the soil...

meanwhile, those plants that you don't water much have roots that are bigger, somewhat unbundled and grow deeper into the soil...maybe that's what we need, that's what i need: a once in a while semi-drought.

typhoon ondoy damage --P 8.3 B only?

the philippine government must have underestimated the damage brought by ketsana (ondoy) at 8.3 billion pesos only. assad baunto, a calculater-thinker, believed it to be so. (thanks to nash for the CC copy of his thoughts and calculations).

using official statistical reports of various agencies, we can look at about 15 billion pesos, and that still excludes the foregone benefits and other social impacts. whew!

estimated number of filipinos affected by the september 26 flooding is about 3.9 million. the government's budget of 80 million pesos will translate to about 20 pesos per person. and they have served a little less than 1 million people, which, ahhhhmmm, he calculated to be about 80 pesos per person...sad sad sad.

the bulk of the help are coming from aids from relatives, friends and social networks. thanks god we have them...oh well, for now, we try to do the best we can, and help as much as we could...and pray pray pray ...for strength to start again and...healing.

annoying forum attendee

in a forum on climate change, makati city,
there is this forum attendee seated in the front row.
(we were seated in the next row)...this woman--
---answered a call from her cellular phone.
she talked quite loud, even laughed in between.
their phone conversation lasted for about 40 minutes,
just about the time spent by the speaker in the session.
afterwards, she guiltlessly said 'bye' to the person
on the other line, (i guess) not knowing that we are all irked!

trust issues

i came across lately of several people who are having issues on trust and trusting (and/or whether or not he/she can be trusted). it is a pity that this once beautiful world is now so filled with worries and distrust. it may have cropped up from bad experiences hence, lessons well-learned or better yet written as : lessons learned the hard way.

trust is a concept; a firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing. once you loose trust, once trust is lost, it changes perception easily. it changes confidence, even character. it is a sad feeling when someone doesn't trust you, but it is an equally sad feeling when you can not put yourself to trust anyone. tsk tsk tsk. such lessons, such hard lessons.