Year-end Chain Message [didn't require readers to pass the message though]

There have been times I've had just Php50 to feed myself 

and I've also had over a thousand pesos 

to go out to eat with family or friends. 

I’ve had a house full of food and other times 

I didn't have any. 

I’ve been in stores cashing out with no worries 

and I’ve also had to add it up in my mind and 

put some back on the shelf. I’ve paid my bills in full 

and other times had to pay late. 

I’ve given money and sometimes, 

I too have had to ask for it. 

We all have highs and lows in life, 

some certainly more than others, 

but we’re all just trying to make it through this crazy life.

No one is better than anyone else, 

and my heart is sad for those who think that they are. 

No matter how big your house is, 

how new your car is, 

or how much money sits in your bank account - 

we all bleed red and will eventually fade from this earth. 

Death has no discrimination 

neither should your actions in life. 

A reminder: Be kind to others.

flashback december 2009

yes...very soon, it's december once more...

5 memories lingered from last year's december...

(this is aside from the fun-time with my family in gensan of course)

here they are:

i proved that TGIF is really a must-try-resto...

i saw classmate tamrat wore their national costume

i was surprised when my classmate luella gave me ticket to this ballet show

i realized wrapping gifts in brown paper and ribonning it with straw is easier and practical...

i was showered with tokens...and gifts from friends

life...is what we make it II

There were many times that my father was ‘absentee’ because of his work,
and then he was ‘deceased’ and it somehow didn’t matter to me anymore.
I knew that as the eldest, I have to be my mother’s assistant,
even a partner in taking care of my siblings and make sure our house is a home-
be it an extension of someone’s garage, a shanty by the ‘riles’ or
a room of a house of a relative. There were happy times, yes.
And we are truly a family, my mother and I made sure of that.
Despite the hardships, we excelled in school.
We were popular because we didn’t allow others to look down on us
and we proved that we didn’t have to be rich to be so.

As a family, we were a strange band of characters-- in the 80’s,
my mother and the three of us, in the 90’s ‘minus’ my sister
who died of leukaemia and another sister who was away from us for 10 years
but then it’s also ‘plus’ a new sister and two brothers
from my mother’s second marriage. We went through life sharing a lot- ideas,
school supplies, socks, toothpaste (even bath towels at times),
coveting one another's desserts, borrowing money, reading each other’s diaries,
inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending,
and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together…
and that common thread is my mother or the love for her.

Family (of origin) shaped my life in one way or another- who I am now
(and I have my own family), how I act, and how I keep my values,
and especially how I formed my identity. I have to form my own identity
besides the pre-wired identity that my family built because I realized that
I cannot depend on that (there were times I do not know what I want to be,
but I am quite sure of what I don’t want to be so I take it from there).

I remember some seven years ago, a girl called and told me that her dying father
is my father too, and that I have to give my forgiveness so that he would die in peace.
Fast forward, no one knows yet if this was true but I had another family added on my list.
Here, I was exposed to stories of how ‘this father’ was and how I came to observe
that we share a lot of commonalities and this made me wish I have met them
(he and his family) before he died. My choices and priorities now
are based on what I wanted my new family to be – less complicated, intact and
ever-present for each other. This wouldn’t be difficult (I hope)
because we’re a family of three.

But then I asked myself once:
would I be this strong-willed, patient, and passionate and
beautifully disturbed enough to try to help the least-favoured if we haven’t gone
through all those life’s struggles and complexities?
That is a question I wouldn’t risk answering by application now.

throwback 2010: letters are always heart-warming

here are some of the touching words i got from my friends after the first phase of my "grilling process"---i feel so blessed...

-much love to you afing!!

-Wow. That's a tough day. I'm impressed, though. It seems you handled it very well. If you need help, let me know.

-Oh sweetie...thanks for sharing...You must be under so much stress and it was catching up with you on Sunday! I get like that...usually getting sick after I have been in a very difficult situation or under a lot of stress.I hope it get's a bit better for you now.

-I want badly to just hug and comfort you...I'm here for you......I love you.

-Hooooray for keeping your composure through the grilling process...You have hurdled so many trials in your life that this is just another piece to it. You can do it. You have proven yourself so much. The road ahead may seem to still be hard and just do what you have always done, take one day at a time. Pray, plan and then make action. Whatever happens, you have come so far already. You have achieved so much and sometimes those achievements doesn't manifest in the way that we thought it would be but try looking from a different perspective and then you will realize that in so many ways, you have achieve success in your life.

-Your story and feelings are reminiscent of what I experienced and felt over those years after my proposal presentation. Just like you, I started my ambitious project with high hopes that I would finish it soon. But time and experience taught me a lot of lessons...with the right amount of motivation and inspiration, the process would make you a better person! It would be a humbling experience!

-I wish you could make it. You could make it by March 2011. I am still struggling with my paper also. But I know God is good. He will always help us when we ask Him.

these words, those letters they sent in the past...though most of them just don't realize it, kept me going (through the years). god bless my friends. i love them all.

birth anniversaries need not be expensive

it's been a month since my boyman wowa turned 8. we weren't able to celebrate it with the usual kid's party with balloons, clown and games, overflowing food (and visitors too) coz 1. we can't afford it this time (it's never good to get a loan just to have a birthday party) and...
 2. we realized (noticed) that during parties it's the parents that have lots of visitors and the kid doesn't enjoy the party that much 'coz he has to smile, bless (a gesture of respect) and do other things (like pose, dance, sing, recite a poem et.cet) that visitors and parents would request. oftentimes, the day (or night) ends so tiring you forget the essence of it all...

flashback: since i (his mama) won't be around during his birth anniversary, we planned to have a sort-of-bday-party days ahead. we bought cookies, chips, nuts and chocolates, made grape juice, deep-fried (meat-looking) tuna crazy cuts and invited his favorite playmates for a pica-pica...

he called each of them by saying 'lika pica-pica party tayo'...and his friends arrived (one by one that beautiful morning)... while having the pica-pica, they played bowling (you know, one of those plastic bowling toys), computer games (the one that needs a one-peso coin for a few minutes of game) nearby, watched re-runs of diego (and dora), played bingo-chess and did an attempt to play scrabble.

my my! they had fun!!! those laughters and giggling (and unguarded munching) were priceless! no need to bring gifts (that's the down side though hehehe). no need to dress up in weird (sweatshirt-like) costumes and all--- just be there to have fun and enjoy the blessing of another year.