withdrawal pangs... a semi-look-back

what is this pain??? he asked himself. these are just pangs of new attitudes trying, wanting, needing to be born...i have heard this line before. or did i read it from somewhere??? ah, yes i remember...it is from a letter from my soul-twin michael divina. i have always believed pain then...now, i don't know. i keep on telling myself that pain is just a part of the drama. and when you feel it, like you feel it, then maybe, just maybe, you are enjoying the drama...just what really is pain? is it a natural sensation or an extraordinary pang? is it something that happens within the bounds of the body and its existing systems or is it more than just skin-deep? more than skin-deep, that it reaches the deepest depth of human emotions... all that is left in me is the knowledge that there really is pain. there really is pain and i can feel it now. the kind of pain that seemed to have nothing as a cure...the kind of pain that goes with living...and growing...to be more...than just an ordinary man.

so, graduation? (thanks bob ong)

"Mag-aral maigi. Kung titigil ka sa pag-aaral, manghihinayang ka pagtanda mo dahil hindi mo naranasan ang kakaibang ligayang dulot ng mga araw na walang pasok o suspendido ang klase o absent ang teacher. (Haaay, sarap!)."

"Nalaman kong marami palang libreng lecture sa mundo, ikaw ang gagawa ng syllabus. Maraming teacher sa labas ng eskuwelahan, desisyon mo kung kanino ka magpapaturo. Lahat tayo enrolled ngayon sa isang university, maraming subject na mahirap, pero dahil libre, ikaw ang talo kung nag-drop ka. Isa-isa tayong ga-graduate, iba't-ibang paraan. tanging diploma ay ang mga alaala ng kung ano mang tulong o pagmamahal ang iniwan natin sa mundong pinangarap nating baguhin minsan..."

"nalaman kong hindi final exam ang passing rate ng buhay. hindi ito multiple choice, identification, true or false, enumeration or fill-in-the- blanks na sinasagutan kundi essay na isinusulat araw-araw. Huhusgahan ito hindi base sa kung tama o mali ang sagot, kundi base sa kung may kabuluhan ang mga isinulat o wala. Allowed ang erasures."

"Tuparin ang mga pangarap. Obligasyon mo yan sa sarili mo. Kung gusto mo mang kumain ng balde-baldeng lupa para malagay ka sa Guinness Book of World Records at maipagmalaki ng bansa natin, sige lang. Nosi balasi. wag mong pansinin ang sasabihin ng mga taong susubok humarang sa'yo. Kung hindi nagsumikap ang mga scientist noon, hindi pa rin tayo dapat nakatira sa jupiter ngayon. Pero hindi pa rin naman talaga tayo nakatira sa jupiter dahil nga hindi nagsumikap ang mga scientist noon. Kita mo yung moral lesson?"

flashback...peace... afterthoughts...

In an open and highly vulnerable world, we need to address issues of violence, war and peace, human rights and social justice. Today is the best time to somehow step back for a look at what we as individuals and as collective nations need to do to get on the right path.

It has long been accepted a fact that there can be no meaningful peace without justice on a global scale. Those who are somehow doing well in life cannot pretend to be working for peace unless they also are working for a more just and equitable distribution of the world's resources. The anti-war or better yet called peace movement, therefore, must also be a movement focused on the inequalities in a somewhat-predatory corporate capitalist system. In a world where more than half the population is poor, it's clear that the global economy is itself a form of war. One may blurt out that we live in a profoundly unjust world, that armed conflict is inevitable because there always will be resistance to inequality. Powerful states will respond militarily to any threat, real or perceived, to their dominance. Read: No justice, no peace.

People from all walks of life must recognize that there can be no justice over the long term without sustainability, and creating a sustainable world will require not only radical change in systems and structures of power but also a radical change in the way we live. It's time to recognize that if we are serious about the values of equality and justice and peace, we must scale back the level at which we live. Eloquent calls for peace are easy to make. Moving beyond that to a demand for meaningful justice gets us closer to the goal.

love too shall pass

remind yourself this

whenever you decide to love, love fully

you will be glad but you will be sad at times too

you may even be mad and feel bad

about the things such love will bring but hey

love fully still...fully until you still can

for when love says 'stop' you will stop fully too

and you may never love that way again

 love, too, shall pass.