33 is just a number

22nd of march, i turned 33, oh well, earth years. i, as usual received lots of greetings (not lots of gifts though: the number of gifts received is inversely proportional to the age of the celebrator). even as i managed to feel well and do some little celebrations, it was nothing compared to the stresses i had. thanks to the finals exams, exit papers and the ever-dreaded (so far) comprehensive exams.

it's been 4 days since then, and only now have the birthday material sank in my thoughts (it's funny how it managed to squeeze in during times of fever and wishing-you-were-numb-moments). i have turned 33, i always feel 13, now i feel 53. it's been 2 years since i decided to pursue a postgrad that's somewhat far from what i intend to www.sakura-withdrawalpangs.blogspot.com/2008/08/my-life-so-far.html . it's been a year since a crying-almost-angry-young lady called and asked me to halt the curse to her father (turned out that this year, she's the sweetest greeter ever) www.sakura-withdrawalpangs.blogspot.com/2009/03/birthday-blast-indeed.html .

what is in store for this year? i have been feeling pains in some parts of my body which the paranoid in me might insist as a sign of cancer or tumor or 'dying soon' disease. i have been hearing the same thing happening to some people who are close to me. apparently, my mind-disease is contagious (that's the punchline, laugh now). i have found "one true friend" and several good others; them, just enough to keep my sanity on hold. my boyman and manboy are managing well without me, so they say and sadly make me feel at times.

okay, this is the time when i have to battle with my inner demons and finish what i have started. it's a long long walk. i'd run if i have to. but for now, i need some peace. may i rest in peace?

cousin sarah's mission

a month ago i got an email from my tita regarding her daughter's so called mission: she intends to collect funds for Leukemia Foundation of Australia and yes, hairs for the kids (with leukemia, and undergoing therapy). i thought it was great for sarah to think that way. after all, not all teeeners think about other people the way she does. we were proud of her (reminded us of my sister who died of leukemia @ 9) and even more proud when she pledged to have a shave for the cause. some of her friends did the same (so brave). now, her mission was semi-accomplished (coz the battle isn't over yet, right?)-- she raised some money for the foundation, and she now have a new hairdo ( i mean, no hairdo?). still pretty, with our without it.

at a loss

it's been 3 weeks. still i can't build my ideas/framework/path to my exit paper. what's happening? i'm at a loss. inspiration, where are you? spark of genius, where are you? adrenaline rush, where are you?...ohm ohm ohm. i tell you, this will be a nonsensical entry. i have to let this out or else this will poison whatever sanity i have inside. four more papers for the various courses i foolishly took this semester. one major project for the german class. one overly-fundamental written exam for a core subject...and review review review for the five comprehensive exams to be taken at exactly the same date as my 33rd birth anniversary. those and the framework of my exit paper (they love to call it dissertation) ---> the cross-eyed bear. waaaahhhh!!! my escape? funny thoughts while supply lasts... see pictures. but yes, i must wake up and do start producing before it's too late. kill me- kill me quick!

oh well, class field work:zambales

it started out as a class requirement: to experience nature and understand its system as affected and affecting other systems. it started out as a map: to determine the sources and possible impacts of toxic waste to nature. it started out as a study tour: to see how people took care of animals that may have been harmed intentionally or unintentionally by human activities...took it with a bad heart coz those out-of-school-vicinity-trips is way too costly for scholars like me. imagine me computing for the relative cost of the trip in terms of my daily food supplies.

but how did it end up? it ended up with me being tired-yet-fulfilled, sad-yet-hopeful, broke-yet-happy... this is one class requirement/mapping/study tour i'd never forget.

proud of my mentor

Crisis-generated Socio-economic Coping Mechanisms by Overseas Filipinos. This is the title of the research proposed by my mentor Dr. Alvin Ang and his colleague Prof. Jeremaiah Opiniano that was short-listed for the 2009 Japanese Award for Outstanding Research on Development. About 500 researches were submitted and the paper was awarded the 3rd place. Dr. Ang and Prof. Opiniano recently went to Prague to present their paper and yes, to receive their honors. This paper is only one of the many papers on economic development and macroeconomics done by them and I am doubly proud of him. . . proud to be one of his mentees, proud to be one of his students, proud to be one of his friends. May his foreseen Years of Expansion continue. Kudos!

remembering the roots (literally)

it's been days since i came to manila again...and as expected, separation anxiety sat in. it's hard to be far away from the places and the people you love especially when you are about to get used to it again.

together with being far again is the struggle- emotional, physical, intellectual, spiritual...financial. some light and easy, some too heavy to bear.

but on days like those, i just keep in mind the roots...the roots of the plants. observe them...look at those plants that you always water, their roots are thin and bundled, you can easily remove the plant with one hand from the soil...

meanwhile, those plants that you don't water much have roots that are bigger, somewhat unbundled and grow deeper into the soil...maybe that's what we need, that's what i need: a once in a while semi-drought.

typhoon ondoy damage --P 8.3 B only?

the philippine government must have underestimated the damage brought by ketsana (ondoy) at 8.3 billion pesos only. assad baunto, a calculater-thinker, believed it to be so. (thanks to nash for the CC copy of his thoughts and calculations).

using official statistical reports of various agencies, we can look at about 15 billion pesos, and that still excludes the foregone benefits and other social impacts. whew!

estimated number of filipinos affected by the september 26 flooding is about 3.9 million. the government's budget of 80 million pesos will translate to about 20 pesos per person. and they have served a little less than 1 million people, which, ahhhhmmm, he calculated to be about 80 pesos per person...sad sad sad.

the bulk of the help are coming from aids from relatives, friends and social networks. thanks god we have them...oh well, for now, we try to do the best we can, and help as much as we could...and pray pray pray ...for strength to start again and...healing.