Wednesday, August 26, 2015

flashback 1110: not a love letter

dear not-dear,
i know you knew from the start
that i didn't love you.
i know you knew that i was just forced
to deal with you, to try to love you,
to try to make you love me too.
i know you knew that i find it difficult to do so
but just the same i tried.
in fact, i tried and gave my best effort
so sooner or later you'd give me back
what i deserve.
i have sacrificed a lot in this set-up.
and the more i do so, the more i hate myself
for making this decision.
and since i have already started, i have to at least
try finish this 'game' or whatever it is you call it -
post grad if you must!
as much as i can, i'd deal with you...
i'd try love you and
i'd try to make you love me too.
but do know that as of this moment-
i want you dead!
yes, i want you dead but i know
that isn't possible.
i might end up the one being 'dead' in the long run.
i'd just content myself with letting you know
these ---
i don't love you.
i don't want you.
i don't need you.
aaaarrrrrrrggggghhhhhhhh!

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