my life so far. TB081508

my life so far, is a struggle...against homesickness, motion sickness, migraine/vertigo and dealing with culture shock. while i try to deal with it, sometimes i feel like i wanted to let go. sometimes i find consolation in singing the rosary. they said there's no need for the CT scan (i had a fall/slip causing head trauma 3 weeks ago) since the skull xray, cbc, optha check all went fine...they believed that all these feelings i have are just in my head or perhaps an effect of separation anxiety...i wish to disagree and insist but the information asymmetry is so strong i couldn't do such. anyways, i still believe in the power of the mind, that i will be okay if i try to think that i am okay...my family have adjusted to the set-up (my being far, studying) so all i need is to help myself adjust. it's hard emotionally, physically, financially---waaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!! all i have is my spirit, my love... aja!!! now, i am serving as a teacher aide/research assistant to an economist : (5 days now and counting) , no pay but the experience i'm sure will be no match to the things i may be able to learn with him.

mind lessons ... a year after nanay's death

there are many
many things that
would make your mind tick.
i choose to choose thinking
thinking than be bored.
i believed that many
many many people died
because of boredom,
because of sadness,
physically and some just died
even as they are still somehow alive.
but not too much thinking i say...
not from too much thinking.
those with migraine bouts should know
should know what i mean.
it may stress a soul too much.
too much one may choose boredom
choose boredom in the end---
that i know (i should!) but...
is not an easy sacrifice.

she's rose, she rose... (throwback 2015)

I witnessed someone shedding tears for a dear departed. 

I asked myself, why do we do that? 

(I do that all the time and I regret it specially when 

I'm with others who are obviously living and 

continuously battling the tides of life) . 

Later that day, I was given a sad news 

of another young friend's passing. Heart attack at 29... 

To remove my mind from possibly condemning such weakness, 

I thought of paying tribute to someone still alive. 

So she'd be able to read my thoughts about her instead of saving it 

for some time else :)

Ms.Rose, thank you for your 14 years 

of serving the Business College office. 

You have been with several bosses and workmates 

and you have successfully proven that tolerance, patience, 

humility and the acceptance of the fact that you are not perfect 

(who is...? anyways) but will continue to learn, relearn or unlearn 

depending upon the needs of the times. There were bad days, 

some bad moves but there were a lot of good ones too. 

However ways, you deal with the ins and outs of days 

like a true soldier of  fortune. 

You are a friend to almost everyone 

(your trying to keep peace are at times misunderstood), 

you are an uncomplaining workmate 

(haha, you do complain, yes? but you try to make it through), 

you are a loving wife 

(we seldom hear you badmouth your spouse) 

and a cool mom 

(dancing, singing, reading, watching shows & 

conversing with your dalaginding). 

You are a good daughter and sister too. 

Given those facts and the upcoming years 

which I am certain will still be filled with challenges, 

I could only pray that you'd be given enough strength and 

divine guidance and overwhelming drive to be your usual cheery 

yet efficient self or better.
Do know that we appreciate your presence 

in our working lives. We thank you for helping us in ways you knew how. 

With you, we will keep trying to fulfill our purpose in this world.

Damean's Beat [NDDU Core Values]

JUNE - Openness to the Spirit

JULY - Integrity of Creation

AUGUST - Family Spirit

SEPTEMBER - Simplicity

OCTOBER - Marian

NOVEMBER - Presence and Participation

DECEMBER - Preference to the Least-Favored

JANUARY -  Quality education

FEBRUARY - Love of Work

MARCH- Perseverance and Gratitude

APRIL - Culture-sensitivity

MAY - Honesty

ode to facebook's sakura magtanggol

Oh sweetness, oh love, oh immortal

or so I thought in your silence- cried

Have let go of the pain and moments 

You, I love, I decide, I died surprised

Your colors, your letters, your memories

It fell short of life and its nameless face

Who am I to adorn your nothingness

As you lay in that nothingness`s embrace

Over a decade and a year or two still young

Even as it ended, this life had barely begun

But all too soon too it just faded away

No more singing nor dancing in the sun

No more of the smiles and laughter captured

No more convos that seemed wild and free

No more of the poems and midnight musings

I once thought was just in perfect harmony

I will try to not forget the seriousness of sorts

And all the shallowness to balance it all

I will try to not forget the aches and fakes

I will try harder if only to make me whole

Oh sweetness, oh love, oh immortal

or so I thought in this silence- I cried

I let go of these pain and moments 

You, I love, I decide, I remember, I died.

the end's prime

there in a night solemn and cold where black feathers flew off their nest where heavens gems gave a glow a figured shivered...quivered as it stood while trace of melancholy appeared in hazy shadows 'neath the moon "why oh why" its spirit moaned here the fate of the heart once agog stood with all its throe the soul hoping to find pathos of the everlasting...of the unknown the soul in its havoc flew then thought the sunrise and sunset were coeval...and... death...a prime. and the night grew darker its solemness fell deep the thickest leaf closed in coldness slowly the stars seemed to fall asleep the sky casted a dim - very dim glow tired crows seeking refuge among the branches of the trees that swayed with the breeze the figure shivered...quivered as it stood yet its silhouette remain unfazed the agony of its soul's there still confused pathos...shattered and torn the anguish of its heart stopped 'tho its thoughts then unfathomed suddenly...slowly...a poet's heart...was born.

the cheese, the wall, the reminders

Change Happens
They Keep Moving The Cheese

Anticipate Change
Get Ready For The Cheese To Move

Monitor Change
Smell The Cheese Often
So You Know When It Is Getting Old

Adapt To Change Quickly
The Quickest You Let Go Of Old Cheese,
The Sooner You Can Enjoy New Cheese

Change
Move With The Change

Enjoy Change!
Savor The Adventure
And
Enjoy The Taste Of New Cheese!

Be Ready To Change Quickly
And Enjoy It Again & Again
They Keep Moving The Cheese

- by Spencer Johnson MD, in Who Moved My Cheese