after three weeks of almost nothing
i have to wake myself up
why, was i asleep?
after three weeks of almost nothing
i have to cheer myself up
why, was i down?
after three weeks of almost nothing
i have to motivate myself again
why, was i discouraged?
after three weeks of almost nothing
i have to face the days heads high
why, was i feelin' incompetent?
after three weeks of almost nothing
i have to make myself believe
why, was i feelin' hopeless?
perhaps.
perhaps.
perhaps.
perhaps.
perhaps.
come to think of it...
those three weeks of almost nothing
were few of the best weeks i had.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
my valentine, my hero, my other-half
yes. i am making a blogpost about the husband. and as you know (as was posted in those very few posts that i have about him), it just IS hard to do so and still i don't understand why. he just is SOME topic to talk about. but here i am, making another attempt to write a little about him- to kick-off the month of love.
have i told you that i decided to accept him as an important part of my life in valentines day of the new millenium? apparently, my previous relationships (all of it good ones though) weren't Y2K compliant. but with him i decided to give love another shot. and for about 10 years now (and counting), he is my valentine. he is not perfect (IKR - no one is), but he is my mr. right (oh yes, no one, IMHO will ever know how to deal with an 'interrupted disturbed being' that is me.
and here it is again...i don't know what to write anymore. see? this always happens. how do i continue- oh! ... even though he says he feels that i don't love him at times, deep in my heart i always do. i memorize his face, i know his joys and pains even before he express them...and surprise!, i wrote (and still writing) all his messages since year 2000. and i mean ALL. i got me several bounded papers where all his messages are written. one anniversary, i showed them to him. he was shocked or amused or amazed or touched or everything in one. but this isn't about him right? this is about me. oh my. how do i?
okay. as always. i'd go for what's first to come to me...1-2-3. aha! (lightbulb) - his usual schedule! nah, this isn't just an ordinary schedule, it's a schedule he adopted 'coz i am not (physically) present. yes. unlike other husbands, he was ever so willing to let me go (temporarily) and take care of himself, the house, our dear boyman wowa alone. it's not really like going away, i am just on my sabbatical, sadly in a university 2-hour flight away from home and the fare is so expensive especially for an ordinary college teacher like me, hence, can't go home as much as i/we wanted to.
here's it: (the sked! you forgot? LOL. i write down all his messages remember? those were my references for this)
0430 am - alarm on. time to stretch and jog on post.
0500 am - wake up wowa, assist him in preparing (bath, changing to school uniform, checking the school bag for everything he needs for the entire day) while he cooks breakfast for them and lunch for wowa (he has to bring lunch to school).
0620 am - breakfast and time to prepare himself (bath, uniform - sometimes he has to iron the uniforms first when he forgets to do so on weekends et. cet.)
0640 am - time to clean-up a bit, have his bike (motorcycle) ready and drive to send off wowa to school
0730 am - drive his way to work, if he arrives earlier than the gatekeeper, he prepares his itenerary (by the stairs) or sms chat with me.
0800 am - it's fieldwork time. he goes to several customers, checks on their account, reminds them of their dues (this he does rain or shine, and when you're living in gensan --rain really rains and shine is shine that burns)
1130 am - he drives off back to our house, make a decent meal for himself (sometimes he buys from a nearby kitchenette) and have his lunch, occassionally sending me sms about how the morning went and what he is having and asking me what i'm having for lunch.
1230 pm - he sleeps (siesta time) for a while.
0130 pm - he does the dishes (used during breakfast and lunch, and when he cooks, that means a lot of dishes plus cooking utensils to wash)
0230 pm - back to fieldwork.
0330 pm - he makes the day's report at the office, checks on other files, tracks on his progress for the week and/or talk to his workmates about their funny experiences in the field and sometimes at home.
0500 pm - after time-off from work, he drives straight to wowa's school to fetch him (wowa waits for about an hour at the library, or at the playground).
0515 pm - he talks to his friend (father of wowa's classmate julia) while they wait for them as the tutor helps the two in their assignments (he decided to do so when he keeps on falling asleep, tired from the day's work when supervising wowa busy with his assignments).
0645 pm - they pass by a nearby wet market to buy meat, fish or veggies to cook for supper or the next day (he likes them from the market rather than from the ref).
0700 pm - he cooks dinner while wowa plays outside with the neighboring kids.
0730 pm - they eat their supper. wowa helps clean up, hub does the dishes (sometimes with the wash machine on).
0830 pm - as wowa prepares his school things for the next day, it's TV time for both.
0900 pm - his DVD movie time while jogging on post sometimes; sleeptime for wowa (this is our usual phone bonding time too, 'til he gets so sleepy, we pray together and exchange iloveyous, imissyous and goodnights).
1000 pm - his usual goodnight (or if there's something in the wash machine, he rinses the laundry by hand). at 1200 mn or 0200 am i sometimes get sms from him tellng me that he woke up to drink water and that wowa is sound asleep...or he sms me at 300 am telling me wowa has bouts of cough and that vicks and blanket helped ease it.
on saturdays, it's almost as usual except for the need to leave wowa at my mother's house since it's not a school day. on sundays, they clean house or wash/iron clothes or visit friends, or take time off for malling (groceries or movies when there's extra funds) and bonding.
that's it. that's how the hero works day in, day out 'coz we noticed expenses are less when there's no househelp. they have managed and coping for years now (with occassional help from my mother too). hopefully by midyear i'd be back home and ease up my hero's sked. come valentines, we'd celebrate it far from each other again but with him and with our dear wowa everyday is valentines :)
have i told you that i decided to accept him as an important part of my life in valentines day of the new millenium? apparently, my previous relationships (all of it good ones though) weren't Y2K compliant. but with him i decided to give love another shot. and for about 10 years now (and counting), he is my valentine. he is not perfect (IKR - no one is), but he is my mr. right (oh yes, no one, IMHO will ever know how to deal with an 'interrupted disturbed being' that is me.
and here it is again...i don't know what to write anymore. see? this always happens. how do i continue- oh! ... even though he says he feels that i don't love him at times, deep in my heart i always do. i memorize his face, i know his joys and pains even before he express them...and surprise!, i wrote (and still writing) all his messages since year 2000. and i mean ALL. i got me several bounded papers where all his messages are written. one anniversary, i showed them to him. he was shocked or amused or amazed or touched or everything in one. but this isn't about him right? this is about me. oh my. how do i?
okay. as always. i'd go for what's first to come to me...1-2-3. aha! (lightbulb) - his usual schedule! nah, this isn't just an ordinary schedule, it's a schedule he adopted 'coz i am not (physically) present. yes. unlike other husbands, he was ever so willing to let me go (temporarily) and take care of himself, the house, our dear boyman wowa alone. it's not really like going away, i am just on my sabbatical, sadly in a university 2-hour flight away from home and the fare is so expensive especially for an ordinary college teacher like me, hence, can't go home as much as i/we wanted to.
here's it: (the sked! you forgot? LOL. i write down all his messages remember? those were my references for this)
0430 am - alarm on. time to stretch and jog on post.
0500 am - wake up wowa, assist him in preparing (bath, changing to school uniform, checking the school bag for everything he needs for the entire day) while he cooks breakfast for them and lunch for wowa (he has to bring lunch to school).
0620 am - breakfast and time to prepare himself (bath, uniform - sometimes he has to iron the uniforms first when he forgets to do so on weekends et. cet.)
0640 am - time to clean-up a bit, have his bike (motorcycle) ready and drive to send off wowa to school
0730 am - drive his way to work, if he arrives earlier than the gatekeeper, he prepares his itenerary (by the stairs) or sms chat with me.
0800 am - it's fieldwork time. he goes to several customers, checks on their account, reminds them of their dues (this he does rain or shine, and when you're living in gensan --rain really rains and shine is shine that burns)
1130 am - he drives off back to our house, make a decent meal for himself (sometimes he buys from a nearby kitchenette) and have his lunch, occassionally sending me sms about how the morning went and what he is having and asking me what i'm having for lunch.
1230 pm - he sleeps (siesta time) for a while.
0130 pm - he does the dishes (used during breakfast and lunch, and when he cooks, that means a lot of dishes plus cooking utensils to wash)
0230 pm - back to fieldwork.
0330 pm - he makes the day's report at the office, checks on other files, tracks on his progress for the week and/or talk to his workmates about their funny experiences in the field and sometimes at home.
0500 pm - after time-off from work, he drives straight to wowa's school to fetch him (wowa waits for about an hour at the library, or at the playground).
0515 pm - he talks to his friend (father of wowa's classmate julia) while they wait for them as the tutor helps the two in their assignments (he decided to do so when he keeps on falling asleep, tired from the day's work when supervising wowa busy with his assignments).
0645 pm - they pass by a nearby wet market to buy meat, fish or veggies to cook for supper or the next day (he likes them from the market rather than from the ref).
0700 pm - he cooks dinner while wowa plays outside with the neighboring kids.
0730 pm - they eat their supper. wowa helps clean up, hub does the dishes (sometimes with the wash machine on).
0830 pm - as wowa prepares his school things for the next day, it's TV time for both.
0900 pm - his DVD movie time while jogging on post sometimes; sleeptime for wowa (this is our usual phone bonding time too, 'til he gets so sleepy, we pray together and exchange iloveyous, imissyous and goodnights).
1000 pm - his usual goodnight (or if there's something in the wash machine, he rinses the laundry by hand). at 1200 mn or 0200 am i sometimes get sms from him tellng me that he woke up to drink water and that wowa is sound asleep...or he sms me at 300 am telling me wowa has bouts of cough and that vicks and blanket helped ease it.
on saturdays, it's almost as usual except for the need to leave wowa at my mother's house since it's not a school day. on sundays, they clean house or wash/iron clothes or visit friends, or take time off for malling (groceries or movies when there's extra funds) and bonding.
that's it. that's how the hero works day in, day out 'coz we noticed expenses are less when there's no househelp. they have managed and coping for years now (with occassional help from my mother too). hopefully by midyear i'd be back home and ease up my hero's sked. come valentines, we'd celebrate it far from each other again but with him and with our dear wowa everyday is valentines :)
Monday, January 31, 2011
kiddie VALENTINES special !!!
and we thought Valentine Parties are
for adults only... :)
OF COURSE NOT!
Celebrate Love Day with your kids this
Feb 10-11 at SM City !
They'll enjoy Unlimited Play, Magic Show, Story telling,
Games, Face Painting, Loot bags,
Snacks & so much more.
Kids who come in best Cupid Costume
will win exciting prizes
(1st prize will win 6 months of FREE Unlimited Play Pass !!!)
Please Call 332-3929 for more info.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
anticipating chooseday, thinking of tuesdays with morrie
Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too – even when you’re in the dark. Even when you’re falling.
What if today were my last day on earth? …
Is this all?
Is this all I want?
Is something missing?...
I knew what he was saying.
We all need teachers in our lives.
To know you’re going to die, and to be *prepared* for it at any time That’s better. That way you can actually be *more* involved in our life while you’re living. How can you ever be prepared to die?... Do what the Buddhists do. Every day, have a little bird on your shoulder that asks, ‘Is today the day? Am I ready? Am I doing all I need to do? Am I being the person I want to be?’…once you learn how to die, you learn how to live.
… detachment doesn’t mean you don’t let the experience *penetrate* you. On the contrary, you let it penetrate you *fully*. That’s how you are able to leave it.…Take any emotion – love for a woman, or grief for a loved one…. if you hold back on the emotions – if you don’t allow yourself to go all the way through them – you can never get to being detached, you’re too busy being afraid. You’re afraid of the pain, you’re afraid of the grief. You’re afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails.But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely. You know what pain is. You know what love is. You know what grief is. …
I have experienced that emotion.
I recognize that emotion.
Now I need to detach from that emotion for a moment.
Same for loneliness: you let go, let the tears flow, feel it completely – but eventually be able to say, All right, that was my moment with loneliness. I’m not afraid of feeling lonely, but now I’m going to put that loneliness aside and know that there are other emotions in the world, and I’m going to experience them as well.
...For all the things we didn’t do. All the things we should have done. You can’t get stuck on the regrets of what should have happened. That doesn’t help you when you get to where I am. I always wished I had done more with my work; I wished I had written more books. I used to beat myself up over it. Now I see that never did any good.
Make peace.
You need to make peace with yourself
and everyone around you.
[these are my favorite quotes from the book :)]
What if today were my last day on earth? …
Is this all?
Is this all I want?
Is something missing?...
I knew what he was saying.
We all need teachers in our lives.
To know you’re going to die, and to be *prepared* for it at any time That’s better. That way you can actually be *more* involved in our life while you’re living. How can you ever be prepared to die?... Do what the Buddhists do. Every day, have a little bird on your shoulder that asks, ‘Is today the day? Am I ready? Am I doing all I need to do? Am I being the person I want to be?’…once you learn how to die, you learn how to live.
… detachment doesn’t mean you don’t let the experience *penetrate* you. On the contrary, you let it penetrate you *fully*. That’s how you are able to leave it.…Take any emotion – love for a woman, or grief for a loved one…. if you hold back on the emotions – if you don’t allow yourself to go all the way through them – you can never get to being detached, you’re too busy being afraid. You’re afraid of the pain, you’re afraid of the grief. You’re afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails.But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely. You know what pain is. You know what love is. You know what grief is. …
I have experienced that emotion.
I recognize that emotion.
Now I need to detach from that emotion for a moment.
Same for loneliness: you let go, let the tears flow, feel it completely – but eventually be able to say, All right, that was my moment with loneliness. I’m not afraid of feeling lonely, but now I’m going to put that loneliness aside and know that there are other emotions in the world, and I’m going to experience them as well.
...For all the things we didn’t do. All the things we should have done. You can’t get stuck on the regrets of what should have happened. That doesn’t help you when you get to where I am. I always wished I had done more with my work; I wished I had written more books. I used to beat myself up over it. Now I see that never did any good.
Make peace.
You need to make peace with yourself
and everyone around you.
[these are my favorite quotes from the book :)]
Friday, January 21, 2011
KaEskwela is (heart)
one of the best decisions i made in 2010 was joining KaEskwela. it's my friend katie's lovegroup and it's not difficult to see why it is so. kaeskwela (in filipino) means "schoolmate". and you know how schoolmates and classmates are- no matter where they go or what happened to them years after, they always feel they belong (to the school, to each other) and that's the spirit we're banking on... Kaeskwela (http://www.kaeskwela.org/) is a group of volunteers who help public schools in the Philippines. being a volunteer (and a teacher too), i share the belief that education is a foundation for building better lives and nations. school kids must at least have or enjoy their journey towards that...this is the call of the group (might as well be a challenge to all): Think of the many ways you can help beyond just giving money: understand what a school needs, coordinate donations to respond to these needs, hold training sessions for teachers, assist in fund-raising events, help feed undernourished children -- you may have ideas, too, that could help your local school. soon, one school at a time, we can make dreams come true!
one dream shared by members since last year was to build a library for Lara Integrated School in San Fernando, Pampanga. the parents of the students have volunteered their labor to help build the library. the teachers have committed to help organize and run it. KaEskwela, have found book donors for the library---all's that missing is this certain sum of money to buy the building materials.
one of the few plans to earn such is the rummage sale...we had it in katipunan on september 24th and 25th. preparations and pricing is not easy but when you think of the possibility of earning for a cause, nothing's difficult :) we got us more that 11000 php in 2 days...that's a woot! (far from what we need though but still enough to keep our spirits high)... part2 of the rummage sale was november 12th and 13th...part 3 was january 12th (that time twas in banchetto pioneer, amidst the food offered by the caravan---we got us more than 4000php then)... part 4 will be on the 28th - at banchetto emerald. anything you can do to help (donate goods for the sale, buy goods during the sale, volunteer your time, share to others what our activity is about), please do. together let's help make dreams come true.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
wowa's christmas
GIFTS FOR HIS LONG-RUNNING BUSINESS PLAN (aka addition for his savings in the bank - ang pao) came from maam maricar, maam gudeh, lola salve, lolo daddy/lola mommy and tito jun...and wallet from his papa. as of now, he has more than a thousand (pesos) in the banks keeping, few hundreds in his wallet...and he plans of opening a small toy store next year. i so love his no-nonsense planning hence, all-out support! teeheehee.
GIFTS FOR HIS EVER-CURIOUS MIND came from tita irene (puzzle), tita dyali and ate luntian (coloring book and his usual supply of storybooks sometimes with authors/illustrators sig- bongga!), ninang anji (book- robindhood), tito edmar (book of stories), tita analyn and tito joven (puzzles- he loves puzzles, says theyre challenging), tito kristoffer and tita sharon (project volcano straight from the US) and tita hanie (stamps). he loves each...and its really touching seeing the books by his bedside with a bookmark on the page where he stopped reading just like a grown man.
GIFTS FOR THE EVER-PLAYFUL-ACTIVE HIM came from lola fely (a basketball), maam vicky (a soccer ball), tita jovelyn (phoenix beyblade set- blurting out 'i like that so much!), tito jz (assorted gummies - power munch) and me (pokemon cards in a big can- special request). he keeps on saying 'im glad i got this gift' everytime he sees/uses one.
this message comes with heartfelt thanks to them all for making wowas christmas fun and exciting. but most of all- thanks for being our 'help' as we guide him in his growing-up journey. happy new year!
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