Wednesday, October 12, 2011

dear husband - a reply to the divorce letter

Dear Ex-Husband,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. 
It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man 
is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because 
they drown out your constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesn’t work. 

I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, 
but the 1st thing that came to mind was 
‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say 
anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. 
And when you cooked my favorite meal, 
you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because 
I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: 
I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, 
& I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 
from me that morning. 

After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. 
So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica,  but when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. 
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care. 

Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free! 

P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. 
I hope that’s not a problem...

*again, this went viral on FB and again, as to the original source- 
I have no idea :)

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