remembering the roots (literally)

it's been days since i came to manila again...and as expected, separation anxiety sat in. it's hard to be far away from the places and the people you love especially when you are about to get used to it again.

together with being far again is the struggle- emotional, physical, intellectual, spiritual...financial. some light and easy, some too heavy to bear.

but on days like those, i just keep in mind the roots...the roots of the plants. observe them...look at those plants that you always water, their roots are thin and bundled, you can easily remove the plant with one hand from the soil...

meanwhile, those plants that you don't water much have roots that are bigger, somewhat unbundled and grow deeper into the soil...maybe that's what we need, that's what i need: a once in a while semi-drought.

typhoon ondoy damage --P 8.3 B only?

the philippine government must have underestimated the damage brought by ketsana (ondoy) at 8.3 billion pesos only. assad baunto, a calculater-thinker, believed it to be so. (thanks to nash for the CC copy of his thoughts and calculations).

using official statistical reports of various agencies, we can look at about 15 billion pesos, and that still excludes the foregone benefits and other social impacts. whew!

estimated number of filipinos affected by the september 26 flooding is about 3.9 million. the government's budget of 80 million pesos will translate to about 20 pesos per person. and they have served a little less than 1 million people, which, ahhhhmmm, he calculated to be about 80 pesos per person...sad sad sad.

the bulk of the help are coming from aids from relatives, friends and social networks. thanks god we have them...oh well, for now, we try to do the best we can, and help as much as we could...and pray pray pray ...for strength to start again and...healing.

annoying forum attendee

in a forum on climate change, makati city,
there is this forum attendee seated in the front row.
(we were seated in the next row)...this woman--
---answered a call from her cellular phone.
she talked quite loud, even laughed in between.
their phone conversation lasted for about 40 minutes,
just about the time spent by the speaker in the session.
afterwards, she guiltlessly said 'bye' to the person
on the other line, (i guess) not knowing that we are all irked!

trust issues

i came across lately of several people who are having issues on trust and trusting (and/or whether or not he/she can be trusted). it is a pity that this once beautiful world is now so filled with worries and distrust. it may have cropped up from bad experiences hence, lessons well-learned or better yet written as : lessons learned the hard way.

trust is a concept; a firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing. once you loose trust, once trust is lost, it changes perception easily. it changes confidence, even character. it is a sad feeling when someone doesn't trust you, but it is an equally sad feeling when you can not put yourself to trust anyone. tsk tsk tsk. such lessons, such hard lessons.

and god gave me food :)

god is good...he never really lets me go hungry, god may have thought that it's better for me to keep my hips this way :)

friday - sir santi gave me a big box of bisquits.
saturday - nanay gave us banana chips and tuna in can
sunday - the excess for the taxi fare in bringing nanay to the airport was enough for veggies
monday - mam maricar and mam ligaya gave me bananas
tuesday - dr. ang gave me goldilocks mamon
wednesday - the excess for tita's electric bill was enough for my jamppong and skyflakes
thursday - i'm feeling lucky, tomorrow someone's gonna hand me yogurt icecream :)

hmmmm... thank you angels :)

my 'persian' night a month ago or so

---when i woke up this morning i remembered zahra, a classmate and a friend. she's been going through a lot these days, taking charge of their family's restaurants, taking care of her beautiful baby boy, helping her cousin who just gave birth and juggling all those with our tons of paper requirements in the post-grad studies...sometimes, i have the urge to go to her and ... help her in any way i can...

---remembering her also reminded me of my last visit at their restaurant one rainy night. i was just off from my other class when i got an sms from her- "when will you visit the restaurant?". i figured out it's been so long since i last told her that i will so i rushed my way to there...after some funny mishaps of the directions and all, i arrived few minutes before her, the place was almost heaven. far from the busy noise of the city but it's just in its heart (zaitoon is in leveriza-menlo sts). i saw charming smoke pipes! (the ambiance is real great especially for circle of friends who wants good food over good chit-chats). she arrived with her husband and the cutest baby boy.

---we chatted and tried to catch up with our lives (as if we haven't been texting every now and then). it felt good to see her so happy finally having her dream child in her embrace. she ordered what she long ago promised me - carrot shake with icecream on top! can you blame me for having my dessert first??? :) then i had soltani, best non-pork i ever tasted playing hide and seek with the spicy-tasty rice and red tomato halves. i was full in no time. whew!

---then the rain started pouring real hard on our every conversation, with the baby almost as if listening intently to our babbles. the slow pouring of rain at one point reminded me that i need to go back to my dormitory or else i'd swim my way there (happens all the time)...

i'd never forget the hearty meal-soltani...i'd never forget the yummy dessert-carrot shake...i'd never forget zaitoon...i'd never forget my friend (and her beautiful family)...i'd never forget that night.

you are a kite – fly high

made by mama’s skillful hands, you are formed beautifully. colored with love in each strand – inspired to fly, fly so free… fly high kite, fly and fly, to the heights, to the heavens. fly high kite, to the sky, discover your dreams – see new edens…go steady kite, in facing currents, balance, remember, is a friend. swing and dance even in torrents, to one side, to the other – to the end…

then as you fly, you see, you feel, the past, the now, the future. find some strength but be still. you are the one- be one with nature… and if your wings would ever wear, slowly come back, for a rest. ‘coz no wind can ever give you a tear. with dignity and pride – you passed the test!

afraid of being afraid?

he is just a man and he keeps on saying it. he is just a man and he can be a subject to many-a-things a man could...struggle upon... says felbert (an old buddy). felbert may just be a name but the man behind that name is more than just a man. he even is sometimes everything but just a man. he is more than just a man 'coz he knew that he is just a man. what is just a man? why is simply accepting you are makes you aren't...is this some kind of a philosophical joke? oh i'm afraid i could not linger on this matter. i am afraid i have known much that i'm afraid i might be afraid to go the wrong way. yes. perhaps. i'm just afraid.

tell me in your simplest language, who is to say that a man shouldn't be afraid? a man could be afraid - he should be afraid sometimes. this world could sometimes be so strange. this world could sometimes be so big...so big...and...so strange...that it is almost so understandable if one couldn't help but be afraid. talking matter of factly, anything in this world: from friendship to religion, from money to love...could send shivers to one's bones...as if it would take a miracle to remove the plug. oh miracles happen everyday. i'm just afraid people want more...and more...and more.

game 4 blues

july 8, 2009. PBA finals, game 4. San Miguel vs Ginebra. awarding night for the MVP. from school we went there. used the mass transit to be there on time. (rush rush rush) whew! here's the cost (all in philippine peso- $1=48) : motor-bike to railway station= 25, train ticket=13, donut holes=45, game ticket=85, iced tea=40, popcorn=70, jeepney fare back to the dorm=15...that would be 293 in all. amp! and my team lost (despite the full-blast cheering, i needed ginger brew afterwards) --- by 2 points! how frustrating...

missing gensan

what is it about gensan that i miss a lot today?...
...the grilled tuna
...the smooth traffic
...the cheery students
...the lazy afternoons at dacera pool
and...the yellow poppies.

graduate school is a hospital

goodbye michael... michael jackson have fought with his demons recently and tried to live his life anew, but he was gone too soon...i guess, not too late...goodbye to a great artist, i grew up listening to him and digesting his lyrics. richard bach, in illusions, said: here is a test whether your mission on earth is finished: if you're still alive, it isn't...hmmm...perhaps.

i am seated here minutes now, and am about to write my thoughts about graduate school but it seemed to have flown away (the thoughts) after hearing several songs by MJ played in the net cafe (thriller, heal the world, happy). i lost my supposed topic...hahaha...well, as what i have started writing, graduate school is a hospital so i must have it in my mind that students like me are somewhat 'sick' and is in need of healing (more of un-learning)...i'm tired, and sick (of what i still have yet to specify) but one day(soon) i'd be healed.

sad and mad but hopeful

with everything negative that has been happening in this part of the world, one can't help but feel sad and mad...sometimes driving the usually sane and calm yuppies at wit's end. it's hard to remain insensible and unattached but it seems to be the most sensible thing to do. arrrggghhh!!! will it still pay to be hopeful?

chances...2nd, 3rd...nth--why not?

a rainy but good morning here in manila. yesterday was weird: hot-cold-hot-cold... weird enough to get to people's heads. negative vibes almost everywhere...tsk tsk tsk...for one, the day made me wonder why there are other people who can't seem to give other people chances: chance to change and prove their worth, chance to re-create and re-learn and live anew, chance to have a chance at chance. the question is not "why"...it is "why not".

you have the power!

no one can make you feel bad, sad, mad without your consent

---you have the power to not feel if you want to (BUT be kind).

no one can make you change your mind unless you want to

---you have the power over your thoughts (BUT be careful).

no one can judge you if you don't allow them to

---you have the power to change your future, even your past (AND be bold).

money can buy happiness (sometimes)

sometimes i feel like money does indeed bring happiness. yeyss - my "happy quotient" is quite high at times when i have enough money. i came across an email from a lotto system owner. he said that an article he read is interesting. hmmm...

By MALCOLM RITTER,
AP Science Writer Sun Nov 26
--------------
NEW YORK - Does money buy happiness? It's sometimes said that scientists have found no relationship between money and happiness, but that's a myth, says University of Illinois psychologist Ed Diener. The connection is complex, he says. But in fact, very rich people rate substantially higher in satisfaction with life than very poor people do, even within wealthy nations, he says.

"There is overwhelming evidence that money buys happiness," said economist Andrew Oswald of the University of Warwick in England. The main debate, he said, is how strong the effect is. Oswald recently reported a study of Britons who won between $2,000 and $250,000 in a lottery. As a group, they showed a boost in happiness... compared to their levels two years before they won.

while there's some truth to this, i still adhere that the beautiful sunset and the soft giggles of your baby is priceless but...hey, what else can make me happy as of today? i'd give you just 8 of the many and see what i mean (in philippine peso)...

1. a night at conspiracy bar = P120 entrance fee and +- P250 for food and drinks
2. a wellness body massage = cheapest is at P180
3. an extended phone call = P150
4. weekly JRS bag to wowa = P350 and P100 freight
5. a movie at the mall = P150 (pirated dvd is at 3 for P100)
6. a good hair day = P70 (cheapest shampoo and blow dry)
7. a good pair of jeans = P400 (cheapest at the mall, ukay-ukay will do at P200)
8. chocolates and/or frozen drink = P100 (0r P45 will do)

those...aren't for free. whew!

thoughts of a student mama

it has been raining here in manila for several days and what's weird is- it's supposed to be summer time in the philippines, sun should be shining brightly and everyone should be wearing summer light summer clothes...now, everyone looks gloomy, covered, irritated and confused. ahay! climate change...climate change indeed!

when it is this cold, i either need a hot choco or a very warm hug...i could not just hug anybody. i am a student in a catholic university and it happens that this university is quite far from home (1 hour and 50 minute-plane ride). i am a mother too, and i'm missing my son wowa a lot (and the husband jovit too of course). we used to snuggle and just play lazy on days like this...amp!

Substance Over Form?

Summer classes have started and what choice do I have but to go on and try as much as I can to finish what I already started - you see, there's no use in giving up when you can go on eh...My first nightmare is an essay on how to critique a paper. I thought at first that it was an easy task but later I learned otherwise.

In trying to learn about critiquing a research article in a scholarly journal, it is important that I should understand that the task in writing a critique is to convert the critical examination of a research article into a systematic evaluation. Among other things, I must be interested in determining what the author says or what he wants to achieve, how well the points are made- from the statement of the problem to the recommendations or policy implications, what assumptions underlie the argument, what issues are overlooked, and what implications can be drawn from such an analysis. Sort of like going to Conspiracy Cafe and digesting every word the artists say (sometimes they do have better sense than what I read sssshhh) hahaha.

Since next week we will be asked to critique at least 5 reasearch articles, it is good that the essay was given as a starter (talk about irony). Now I have a guide- yipi! Critiques, positive or negative, should include a fair and accurate summary of the text and a statement of the critic’s own assumptions. Stated or not, these assumptions underlie every evaluative comment made. Therefore, I have an obligation, both to the reader and to myself, to clarify my opinions. I know that in the process of writing a critical assessment, I will be somewhat forced to examine my own knowledge, beliefs and assumptions. Ultimately, the critique is my way of learning about the author and myself. What a way to read a material! What a way to live a life! Oh well...

there's always hope for the philippines

Here is a good article sent by Dr. Arsenio Martin of Fort Arthur , Texas ...Enjoy reading.

THE DIFFERENCE The difference between the poor countries and the rich ones is not the age of the country:This can be shown by countries like India & Egypt , that are more than 2000 years old, but are poor. On the other hand, Canada , Australia & New Zealand , that 150 years ago were inexpressive, today are developed countries, and are rich. The difference between poor & rich countries does not reside in the available natural resources.Japan has a limited territory, 80% mountainous, inadequate for agriculture & cattle raising, but it is the second world economy. The country is like an immense floating factory, importing raw materials from the whole world and exporting manufactured products.

Another example is Switzerland , which does not plant cocoa but has the best chocolate in the world. In its little territory they raise animals and plant the soil during 4 months per year. Not enough, they produce dairy products of the best quality! It is a small country that transmits an image of security, order & labor, which made it the world's strongest, safest place.Executives from rich countries who communicate with their counterparts in poor countries show that there is no significant intellectual difference.

Race or skin color are also not important: immigrants labeled lazy in their countries of origin are the productive power in rich European countries.What is the difference then? The difference is the attitude of the people, framed along the years by the education & the culture & flawed tradition.

On analyzing the behavior of the people in rich & developed countries, we find that the great majority follow the following principles in their lives:1. Ethics, as a basic principle.2. Integrity.3. Responsibility.4. Respect to the laws & rules.5. Respect to the rights of other citizens.6. Work loving.7. Strive for savings & investment.8. Will of super action.9. Punctuality.10. and of course...Discipline.

In poor countries, only a minority follow these basic principles in their daily life..The Philippines is not poor because we lack natural resources or because nature was cruel to us. In fact, we are supposedly rich in natural resources.We are poor because we lack the correct attitude. We lack the will to comply with and teach these functional principles of rich & developed societies.

in search of alfie girl

i recently celebrated my 32nd birth anniversary (march 22nd). even though i was away from home i tried to have a "happy" birthday. march 21st, i went with friends at bistro 70s (anonas, quezon city) and listen to RJ and noel c sing their version of songs of U2 and the police. there til 2am over tomato pizza, veggie chicharon, sisig sibintis and well, oh, beer... then music 21 til about 5am-whew!...unforgettable eh??? well, yes... but not as unforgettable as the day after.

23rd, i was excited to go home for a short school break. doing the 1st batch of my laundry, i got a call...and text messages...and all...made me so weak and confused. a father is looking for her daughter alfie girl (supposed to be me?) and is about to die of colon cancer and wanting to seek forgiveness for having abandoned me? ayayay! the maudlin, the hysterical, the insane in me was driven crazy!!! why? why me? why now?the recent happening brought too many questions, i resist to seek for the answers.why? i don't know...yet. :(

fools i saw in the scriptures (hala!)

Maybe this will answer the question: WHAT KIND OF FOOL AM I???

The Simple Fool (opens his mind to any passing thought and opens his arms to any passing stranger, lacks discernment, has an over-simplified view of life and fails to recognize the cause-and-effect sequences that affect every area of life) .

The Silly Fool (the mouth of a silly fool often gets him in trouble, when things go wrong for a silly fool, he becomes angry, resulting in more damage, believes that his own way of thinking is right).

The Sensual Fool (one who rejects the correction of parents or other authorities, a person who seems determined to make wrong choices. He does not have a mental deficiency, but rather rejects the wisdom of God, he focus is on that which brings him immediate pleasure).

The Scorning Fool (facial expressions communicate the disdain and contempt he has in his heart toward his authorities, including parents, civil authorities, and God, the type of fool not only has rejected truth; he also has embraced that which is abominable to God).

The Steadfast Fool (most dangerous type, self-confident and close-minded, his goal to draw as many others as possible into his evil ways and attempts to reprove him will be futile and bring frustration to the one who tries to influence him).

jumbled-5 papers on the loose

so many thoughts in so little time, how will i manage? i have come across this article of fools in aquinas' analysis. i have thought it's a good read 'coz its not that common. imagine a discussion about fools and remedy for fooolishness (if any), i might end up remedying my own foolish-me :) then there's this paper that is due in a couple of weeks. i chose soul. why? well, why not? it's one of the biggest mysteries of humanity. on international economics, there's this debate paper on whether it is sensible to join economic (trade and/or financial) cooperation. my side is on the negative. my concentration is on globalization. the world is getting smaller. how will i prove otherwise? i'd also look into indonesia and it's labor policies. have i started going through it, to the moon and back yes! that? no! add up our problem sets and discussions on quantitative techniques...oh why oh why have i chosen this rugged thorny path when there's a simple life on the side. well, if i must sacrifice boredom - it's not an easy sacrifice.

new year?

another year went by, another came in...what is in store? will there be change? im sure there will be. we should change, live anew! but keep whatever it is that made us happy--- keep whatever and whoever that gave our lives more meaning...happy new year everyone!